Awww, (((Hunny))). I can so relate to what you are saying. I snoop too and it always makes me feel worse but I can't stop myself sometimes.
It's way too soon to know how anything with your (and mine) situation will turn out. 5 months out from BD and the MLCer is so far gone into the fog that nobody can figure out what is going on. Even if you do figure anything out it will change again!
Very important for us to detach, drop the rope, get a life of our own, move forward, eyes off them. It's the only way to stay sane.
When I don't snoop, I know nothing. I've done both, and it feels much better to know nothing. Still, I have to look at times and I hate that I do. But whatever you learn from snooping means nothing at this stage. They are doing what their MLC affected brains are telling them to do and it's not permanent! It may be the case for the next few years but it's not permanent.
My H often says or does things that give me reason to believe he will survive his MLC and come back to me. Your H is definitely in MLC land as well and he too will eventually come out of the fog and try to find his way home. Whatever is going on now, just 5 months out, will NOT last. Just remember that and you will have the patience and courage to move forward.
While you move forward you will find a new you which will give you the strength to deal with what lies ahead.
P.S. My H is spending money for gifts on his OW too - it's what they have to do so early into this fantasy relationship they have. Don't give it a second thought.
