I notice the LBH's language uses the word "support" a lot. Usually it is the form of them not wanting the WW to think he is not supporting her. The other word that follows, is caring. Many H's have said they don't know where to draw the line.
Actions the WW willfully chooses that are morally, legally, ethically, or spiritually wrong and\or harmful......he should not be so worried about showing her support and care.....or rush in to validate her feelings. His primary concern should be to exhibit his own personal values and inner strength.....(but Not with a tone of self righteousness). His children need to see what a strong, calm, stable man does when faced with these type of situations. First, he does nothing to compromise his integrity, belief system, personal & family values, etc......in order to appease his WW or to cling to the remnants of a sham M. His W can respect him, or she can leave. That's where he draws the line.
If the WW suffers consequences as a result of her willfully making wrong & harmful decisions for her selfish reasons, then he should NOT show her emotional support. He should NOT try to rescue or comfort her.
If she has a pity party, he should leave her alone. It is not the time to show he cares. People learn from consequences, and if he steps in to soothe her discomfort, he could interrupt a valuable lesson being taught to her. (Hopefully, some of the consequences are coming b\c he would not tolerate her actions.
If there is an emergency, accident, tragedy, or sickness (assuming it has no relation with OM\A, then the H can show he cares and show support by being at the hospital, or getting W her meds, cooking soup, etc., b\c this is probably not a result of her affair.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
