Yeah, with the NC approach, if the LBS refuses offers consistently, then the messaging is pretty clear and those offers stop coming. With no OM right now, I can tolerate some cake eating, especially because it is for the benefit of the kids.
My previous approach, when I was in my confused phase and figuring out DB, was to reciprocate an invite to her for something after she's invited me 2-3 times. Also, doing it kinda low key and not in a needy way. Like I am doing this and you're welcome to join, but I am doing it anyway regardless of your decision.
What you said about the family unit is very true and can give a good indication of where her head is at. She just invited me for breakfast at her place on my D's bday coming up. It will be a short morning visit and I accepted it because D will love that.
I am still planning on doing something with the kids just myself and I will think about letting her know and giving her an invite.
There is really no way of knowing where you are in terms of possibility of a recon or her wanting to come back, and I think at this point I have realized it is useless to think that way. Walking this fine line with NC/Going Dark, and keeping the door slightly open for her without actually telling her that directly.
So, I am not worrying about if interactions are positive for recon or whatever. My approach is - will this be a good thing for the kids? If so, then I will do it and continue the non-pursuit and not getting into R talks, and being friendly without getting friendzoned. There is a lot of nuance here, but I think I am in a place where I get it and I can keep my emotions and expectations in check.
I just know now that if I can keep my anger and bitterness in check and use it for personal growth rather than being punitive to W, even if it's small things, then I will come out of this as a better person. I can also swallow my pride a little bit and do what's best for the kids. But, doing all of this with zero pressure and continuing to live my life as a single person.
