Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 7

[Holding]

J9, Artista, HoosJim, Gordie, Jim, and Acc thanks for the support! I'll continue to post here. If nothing else, it might help others see some things NOT to do

i say all of this to say to you--of course you are angry...

Thanks for that. Sometimes I get the sense that my anger is unwarranted at this point, so it's nice to know this is normal.

Reading your posts I can see you riding the emotional roller coaster -- you're up, you're down, you're resolved, then you're second guessing yourself. That's *completely* normal. It's part of the process. This phase will pass, but it takes a good long time. When STBX moves out things will be a lot easier for you.

Thanks. I guess I'm still on the roller coaster. I thought maybe I was done. Now it's just that the highs and lows come in terms of days or weeks. At the beginning they were coming multiple times in a single day. That was hell.

It feels to me like a lot of your anger is from non-confrontation -- you try to keep the peace by smoothing over things or not saying anything, but it makes you resentful, you get angry as a result, and the anger then comes out in unanticipated ways.

I agree. Most of my anger comes from sweeping things under the rug. I realize this and I'm trying to come out and say when STBXW does something I'm not cool with. But it's a slow process for me.

Longer term, in your next relationship, you're going to need to learn to be comfortable causing conflict in the moment when you're not okay with how things are going. Table that for now, deal with everything else going on, but put it on your list.

I can't wait to try out the new me in new Rs!

The point of her "saving the marriage" would have had to have been focused on giving *you* what you need. Without a clear dialog there, STBX was contributing what she wanted to contribute, and assuming that you should appreciate it. Those are two very different things. Unless she had a direct conversation with you about what you needed in the marriage and then directly worked to provide those things, she really wasn't working on saving the marriage at all.

In the course of our M, we went to MC 4 times. The issues we had were always the same. It's true that I didn't do a good job of working on those issues, be she never really tried anything either. Sometimes she would miss MC appointments, or she wouldn't do the homework. Now that I think about it, it's like she just expected me to fix it all.

Glad the kids are doing well and you're enjoying the snow! Also very glad you went to your son's birthday dinner and it seems you handled things very well. Give yourself a pat on the back for that, you deserve it.

Pat! Pat!