I teared up a little reading your last post. I feel your pain. I have thought the same thing regarding my wife. Maybe we just were never right for each-other. Job is right...stop that right now!! If you have an issue with the person you are in a relationship with, you at least attempt to work it out. Even if there is any truth in the reasons he listed (and of course there is some kernel of truth in SOMETHING he said...he has to believe it for himself if he is to justify his actions to himself), this is NOT how you deal with those issues. Every marriage needs work and none are perfect. They take work.
You are not responsible for this situation. As the veterans have said, you DID NOT break him, and you can not fix him. That is on him.
I read something last night that Job had posted a while back. I believe the link is in the welcome post. He was listing his research regarding depression. It is long, but if you are like me, you'll end up reading it straight through several times. The thing that spoke to me was regarding people who had suffered from depression/MLC AND been a left behind spouse. It stated that the individuals who had experienced both claimed that between being the spouse and the one experiencing MLC, that being the spouse was the easier part. If they had to do it over again they would choose to be the spouse rather than the one in MLC. That is so hard to imagine given how I feel. The idea that the MLCer is in more pain than me is so hard to imagine. I am not sure it makes a huge difference knowing that, but for whatever reason, that perspective helped me through the day.
For me, not only do I have the holidays coming up, but my 40th birthday is a couple of days later. The big 40...the birthday that everyone wants to make a big deal about. I am dreading it...and not because I am turning 40. I could care less about how many circles I make around the big fireball.
Try to keep your head up. As a professional snooper, I can tell you that snooping DOES NOT HELP YOU!! You are really better off not knowing. Seriously...it is hard, but DON'T DO IT. I feel like the pot calling the kettle black in saying that, but you will save yourself some heartache if you can stop it. This thing has to work itself out, regardless of whether you know every detail or not. With the fog he is in right now (and yes, he is definitely in crisis mode), you stand to remember more of this when all is said and done than he does.
You are with friends. Come here and vent all you need. We know what you are going through.
