Yes, I am still in the first year of BD; it's been about six months since we separated and about 7ish months since BD.
Where I am at, I can't file for D until 12 months of separation have passed. So, that takes me to June 2018. I don't think D is the solution here, but if she follows through on it, I won't offer any resistance. I really don't want to fight for someone who doesn't want to be with me.
She has always had serious issues following through on things. So, I am not sure if she will file for D when time comes or not.
Right now she's wrapped up in her work and a part time graduate program, which are both demanding and take up a lot of her time. I don't think she's even thinking about the MR and I know she doesn't want to work on it right now and has said to me she has a lot of anger.
Realistically, I think if she did want to come back, it won't happen until June next year when he program ends. Or that might seal the deal in this being completely over as she gets used to her single life. I dunno. You could DB your a$$ off but if they're done, then nothing really is going to bring them back. I am slowly coming to that realization, which in turn is helpful in detachment and just moving on with my life.
I don't have a concrete timeline in the traditional sense. As I've said, I don't want to file for D out of desperation or impatience. I will take that step from a place of strength and confidence. I don't want to use the D as a technique to get her back and be in a place where I don't care one way or the other when I file.
So, my timeline is really dictated by getting to a place where I have achieved my goals. I want to wake up one day and look myself in the mirror and be truly happy and see that I am a good, healthy, happy man. And then have that sentiment consistently over some time to ensure that I am really in a good place with myself.
At that point, I will visit the decision about the D. All my short term goals have a rough timeline until next summer, which is realistic in terms of achieving them.
At one point in the last few months, she told me that I have always been AMAZING - which was really ironic considering she's left me. In my head, I was like - AMAZING IS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? That made me laugh and chuckle a bit.
I want her to see what she's lost and right now that is partly driven by some revenge and anger. But, when I think about it clearly, I don't think she deserves who I am even right now, warts and all. Forget six months from now where I will be in a better place.
Long answer to your question, but my timeline is really dictated by my own sense of accomplishment and not her. I control that timeline and when I am ready for the next step, which will be D and finding someone who can appreciate me for who I am, I will unhesitatingly take it.
