Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[Gordie]

Job—you are right. Not making any decisions while angry and hurt and emotional. Yes, I’m going to take my time and cool down. And yes, she’s still cooking. Re ultimatums, I get what you are saying and no, don’t think she’d respond well. Re mapping out what it would take to work things out, that did come up last night. I said step one is to choose me and forsake all others (those pesky marriage vows). I will not remain M to you if you are pursuing other men. I said then we would need to work on our individual issues and our M issues, including the sexual ones. But having this conversation in a shouting match in the wee hours of the morning was probably not effective.

Re the sexual ones, I’m not talking about anything crazy here. We usually had sex a few times a week for 20+ years and it became boring and routine. I didn’t complain. She didn’t complain. We didn’t discuss and we didn’t work on it. Then at BD it was I can’t do this any more. I want passion = I want sex with OM1. Recently, this has been her big issue. What if we aren’t sexually compatible? I think she wants me to have sex with her to see what it feels like compared to OM2. No, I will not do that.

Ownit—I understand. I did say something along those lines last night. Even if you don’t sign the D papers, I’m still planning to move out. It wasn’t an ultimatum but I was very clear.

AndrewP—I don’t think she’s going to weaponize the kids but I made it crystal clear how wrong I thought it was for her to be taking our kids out with OM2. And yes, I think our are right in that she’s not planning to sign. Sigh.

Butterfly—thank you. In hindsight, I’m actually glad it happened. No, I don’t like to shout but there is a time and a place for it and I think I handled myself as well as possible under the circumstances. And yes, I’ve gotta cool off before making any decisions.

Ginger—you are so awesome! You have such a good handle on how I think and feel. Are you my guardian angel? And yes, she is acting like a big baby right now and the cake shop is closed. You guys warned me things may get worse before they get better and here we are.

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Journaling:

So stbx came to my room in the morning while I was still sleeping and came to hug me. I wake up and she says thank you for talking to me last night. You have been so distant. I love you. I say: I don’t know what to say to you.