I agree w/devvo...you do not want to make any decisions while you are angry and hurt. Decisions should be made when you are in a calmer place. She wants her cake and eat it too. She senses that you are pulling away and are seriously wanting a divorce to move on w/your life and hopefully meet someone new. She is really one confused woman and I really do feel sorry for where she's at in her head. It really isn't a pretty place.
Let me say this...ultimatums are something we do not encourage here. Why? Because crisis people will take the easiest way out and if that means either working on the marriage and dropping the other person or coming home and doing the hard work, they will choose the first option because they aren't ready to do the hard work. I do not think that your wife is fully baked at this time. I think she is in panic mode over the fact that her comfortable world is about to be rocked very hard and she's definitely not sure of what she wants at this time.
You may opt to have a sit down talk w/her and map out what you would like from your current marriage and she may say she will do this to get things back on track...but if she's not fully baked, she may revert back to her mlcing ways in time.
Gordie, trust your gut and do what is right for you and your family. You will know what you need to do once you've settled down emotionally. The paperwork doesn't need to be rushed through the system before Christmas...it could wait until after the holidays when everyone is back to the real world of living and not the fun, family times of the holidays.
Gordie, whatever you decide to do, we will be here to support you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
