Yes still prowling the boards and commenting where I feel my drivel can possibly benefit!
I wish I could say I’m in RC but afraid I’m spinning my wheels and going nowhere, WW is still going strong with her AP/LO and it doesn’t look like that’s going to change any time soon!
What the time has given me is the ability to see that I really have no control over my situation in fact I’d go as far as to say NOBODY as any control over their situation; With this realization hitting me it has allowed me to shift my focus away from her and more on my boys and me. It would seem that my situation is evolving into a kind of normality in respect to all people involved having accepted her decision to ruin 6 people’s lives forever and not condoning her actions! I of course am not one of these people and continue to stand for my family and her as deep down I feel there is something to fight for.
I can’t deny its hard and some days I wonder whether I should just accept there is no MR left with her totally disinterested in it but then in an instant remember that the process she’s living through takes time so I just get on with my life and that of my boys. I try to be the sane place, the familiar place a place that is safe for ALL including WW but especially for my boys and just carry on.
I STILL have some issues with the DR principles which I’ll keep to myself but am GAL’ing regularly, keeping fit and healthy have no contact UNLESS she initiates and have smart contact when we have F2F interactions. I still believe there is a process they go through but now am less worried whichever way she chooses to go in the knowledge that I’m getting stronger in being dependent of her which gives me a new found confidence and a “who cares” attitude but always with an eye on staying her friend and safe place when she needs it.
I hope I can have your resolve for staying the course as I’ve only been at this for less than a year but I know I’m on the up whilst although she doesn’t show it she can only be on a downward spiral as all of her best days with her AP/LO are behind her now and this “normal” life hopefully will take its toll…
Thanks for the bump.
Take care all and Merry Christmas.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
I think you have control over YOUR situation: it is you and your children now. And applying proper DB gets your life going on. Time is on your side. Have patience and DB.
Christmas is a difficult time for us, just looking at all the adverts on the TV is enough to trigger emotion BUT I’m trying my hardest to give the boys the best Christmas I can. The boys are with me on Christmas Eve waking up Christmas morning with me, this was greeted with a lot of resentment on WW behalf but was adamant they weren’t waking up playing “happy families” with the two love birds.
D talk? Only when things don’t go her way or when I maintain my boundaries but have since BD only had these conversations 3 times! I feel this will be escalated on New Year’s Eve with them making it a New Year’s resolution, I’ll not file myself but will make it clear if she wants to bring our family to an end then she will have to do it.
Tread – no I had to move out of our family home in February (13th) due to her constant mental torture she was inflicting on my boys and I, really not very pleasant for us all.
Thanks again.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
Hey Mark!! Good to see you back after a long time. I know we've had our tussles with DB principles, but I am glad to hear you're doing well.
I know this time is hard because all you see is happy families on TV and wherever you go with the kids. It gives me extra fire to be the best single parent that I can be and have twice as much fun with them.
Have a great Xmas and holidays bro! Keep coming back with some updates when you can.
Mark.....FWIW there are several folks on the board who have fought many years and through some very hard circumstances to save their MR and you are one of them. I have struggled myself at times but what helps me continue on are folks like you that continue to keep moving forward determined to persevere.
