Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[Gordie]

Team Gordie!

I like the sound of that. Thank you guys for standing by me and offering your advice. It really helps to hear unbiased opinions even when I disagree with them.

Cali—yes, it’s ultimately my choice. I get that.

Ginger, you are invaluable—you are right that it is freeing to know I am not powerless and that I can be free of my situation when I choose. Andrew, I agree that advance notice may not serve me well.

Own, I liked your suggestion about an ultimatum but am still noodling on what I would actually say.

Andrew, agree that telegraphing in advance may not help.

***
Journaling:

Okay, tonight something happened that I wasn’t planning. Maybe not d b but it happened. Stbx begged for sex and I rejected her. This led to an actual shouting match (we are not shouters). Summary:

She kept yelling that she loves me. I kept yelling stop saying that. Your actions speak louder than words and your actions demonstrate that you do not love me. I refuse to be in a three way R with you and OM2. I asked her to sign the D and just let me go. And she said, I can’t let you go. That’s why I’m so confused. I said I refuse to be plan b, the backup plan, the safety net if things don’t work out with OM2. She says she wishes she never met OM1 or OM2. I say you made a choice to open your heart to them. It was your choice. She says I was unhappy in our M too. And I say yes, but I didn’t seek fulfullment outside the M and you did. You rejected me and I no longer want to be in a R with you. You are seeking your happiness elsewhere. I deserve to do that too. If we aren’t sexually compatible would you be willing to stay M in a sexless M? I flat out say no. I want a M partner who desires all of me, including sexually. I don’t want to be your asexual BFF.