I was reading (re-reading actually) some posts by Sandi regarding wayward wives. In reading through the posts, I found myself wondering if my treatment should be different once there is not an EA/PA anymore. Sandi describes the mind of a wayward wife...and mine is one. She is a little more mild in the relay actions than some, but she definitely falls under the wayward category.
So, for now, my wife has ceased a lot of the crazy replay behavior she was doing. She stopped the EA in June (almost 6 months ago), she moved back home, stopped going out so much, began reconnecting with friends and family, and recently even began resuming chores around the house. She is cordial with me, sometimes almost normal, but often cold and distant still. She isn't mean to me or blow up at me about anything, but she is still distant and sometimes cold. Last Friday actually seemed almost normal. She initiated conversations, was engaging in family time (not just in the room), and even said a few nice things to me. It was the most normal I have seen her in some time. I don't say that because she was nice, but more because her body language and the look in her eye. I was able to see "her" again and it has been some time since I have seen anything but the MLC version of her. The next day she got a little cooler again followed by a return to what has been the norm. Again, she isn't specifically mean, just distant.
From what I have read around the interwebs, it seems to me that we are in limbo. The time between stages where things sit still. What I wonder about is Sandi's approach to waywardness. W has stopped her hard core replay antics and has started trying to reconnect with some things, but not with me. Is Sand's advice towards waywards still what I should be doing? To summarize my actions, I don't initiate calls, texts, emails, conversations (mostly...some are necessary), intimacy, give gifts, or invite on dates. When she she initiates conversations, I reply, but only lightly. What I am working on is not seeming mad/sad when I do this. Mostly I can...but sometimes it can be hard because the situation can be frustrating. Thats why I am working on detaching more (in my head, feel like physically I am doing it).
Just curious if as things progress, my actions should soften at all. If she acts normal, do I continue to be aloof or give in a little. I feel like all the advice I read causes me to walk a tightrope with all the behaviors I should and shouldn't do. I just want to do what is best and that is hard to pin down.
Sandi, if you're there (don't know how to link you if that is possible on this site), do you have any advice for the wayward who has begun to calm down a bit? Is the advice the same all the way through this situation?
Thanks to all for the advice and support from this site. I will continue to try and detach more and forgive me if I ask for reassurance on things that might have already been suggested to me. I don't really have any other friends to offer me the kind of advice I get here so I might need reassurance on the same issues from time to time...to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
