Before, if H had a bad day, I had a bad day. Because I couldn't be happy if he was obviously upset.
This meant I pestered him to tell what was wrong even if he didn't want to talk about it yet.
It meant I assumed everything was my fault.
It meant I overreacted when he expressed dissatisfaction with something in our marriage, because I had no ability to self-soothe.
It also meant if he snapped, I snapped back, and usually escalated, rather than accepting that he was having a bad day.
Keeping my mood aloof from his makes for a much happier marriage. It doesn't keep me from speaking his love language or being emotionally supportive. In fact, it allows me to support him more, because I don't have to wrestle with my own overreaction to his unhappiness or stress or whatever.
Hopefully that helps explain.
And your wife wanting you to meet OM does not smack of her pursuing you. You introduce a romantic partner to your friends, not to other potential romantic partners. With other potential partners, you down-play the relationship. "Him? No, we're just seeing each other casually, it's not exclusive."
Last edited by Cadet; 11/01/1703:25 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
