25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

I've decided why on earth would I change my age HERE?

That might mean changing from "25yrs", to 35, etc.?

I will say that most men my age look, - you know, their age. Which is often fine. But often they look a lot older or I look younger

NOT bragging, just observing. I want sparks folks. Smarts/hearts/sparks. Don't know what order but admit that in life we tend to spot the attractive ones first and then investigate.

Anyone have it start the other way? I think one intimacy happens, the bonding and sparks might come alive.

I am saying the one thing I miss about h is his physique. Damn & he could really dance and we were a good team.

But the kindnesses shown to me by G and M, (especially M who spends time in thought about things I like, and he's who I'm spending time with now)

his acts at times are almost startling kindnesses.

Which usually makes me feel great but I have moments where I wonder what the heck I had done to myself in the m, putting up with getting SO LITTLE back...

I lowered my expectations of h so much and picked up the slack on everything else.

Still baffles me that HE is angry at ME, really crazy mad, and at times (per my brother) really concerned he's going to get screwed

and this (H's head space) matters ONLY b/c we are in settlement talks AGAIN.

I countered today based on law, and let my brother guide it so my L wouldn't keep saying "but he won't take it."

WELL, TRY PLEASE!! (I really want to play poker someday with my L, and WIN).

My brother can then call h and "splain" how it might be if we go to trial b/c h is - I hope and believe, NOT going to win.

So settle it now and set me free and go earn your gazillions in gold with your schmoopie.

Though I find myself pretty darn happy that rumors have it their "match is not made in heaven" and that Schmoopie "not up to his level/not very smart and sure as hell NOT funny" -


my true goal in the future, I believe/hope and pray, is that h becomes irrelevant.

God help me.

50+ more days and maybe we can really be done.

Oh, btw, he has not filed taxes for 2016 but hopes we can file together. (Saves money!)

That's nice EXCEPT I'm getting penalized for him delaying, again....idiot.

Back to my new life - 2 of my kids are coming for Christmas, M assembled a media tower thing, thank God he's good at that

and he helped me get my tree in and set up. It was a big deal to me.

His travel schedule may suck for a long time and then I can - exit, stage left. But for now, it's nice. (Long distance m did not work so well for me, why enter another long distance r? Again I'm giving M time b/c he's making changes like moving here to his HQ and trying to get an assignment here)...

ANYONE try a matchmaker service like tawkify?

Just wondering. Seems a lot better than online dating, more like blind dating.

Just a thought for down the road maybe.

thanks for listening and yes I'm better in general.

But at times I feel like a black sheep failure, l worry A LOT about my youngest child, and still find myself periodically fuming at h.

My job prospects are decent and ALL UNRELATED to law, so I'm starting over.

So yeah, that ticks me off. I try to reframe it. (Look, I'm eating gluten!)


H lost a wife who truly was LOYAL and that is just a FACT even he must know.

I did not lose a great h or father. Just a good earner who looks good. And once upon a time we were in love or it sure seemed that way.

But what was a bittersweet tragic end to a marriage has become a strange ugly ORDEAL totally unnecessary.

Ugh