Continuing Limbo

[PeterV2]

Well it's been a hard 15 months since my last post.
In Sept 16 the night staff quit at the RH so I moved in because we had no money to pay anyone. The place was bleeding red ink. I took over the management from my wife who basically stopped working there. I called in a consultant and formulated a plan and built it from 2 residents in Oct 16 to 10 resident in Jun 17. Then We got and offer and finally sold the place end of Sept 17. Then wife & I took a 5 week tour around the world. It was fun and we're good company, but after 5 years with no sex from my wife - and I kept asking. I had it and a couple of weeks ago I was out of town on business and hired a couple of escorts to my hotel room to feel the closeness of a woman. It was totally unsatisfying. But worse, my wife somehow seems to monitor my ipad and iphone and saw all the messages. She confronted me on Saturday and after trying to deny it, I admitted to doing it. S**t hit the fan. She attacked me and when I tried to defend myself she called the police. They believed that I was just trying to defend myself, so after they left I left town to stay at my kids' place. Now it's Monday and she came home late and said we need to talk. I told her I think it best that we divorce.
She said she loves me but is furious about my infidelity. She hugged me and kissed me but then moments later threated me if I ever lie to her again.
I don't know what to do. We're about to leave on another 6 week vacation but is she just a gold digger or is she really wanting to work it out? I can't tell. She seems to be all over the place. I fear that if I stay, she'll never let me forget it. She always brings up things from 10 years ago that I did wrong. I fear I'll never live this one down. I was thinking to change the trip itinerary so that we go our separate ways, but she likes my company and wants to go together. But it could be a trip from hell for me, having to jump through hoops for scraps of love. Haven't had sex with her for almost 5 years. Driving me crazy. (If you go back in my posts you'll see had an affair 4 years ago)
Don't know what to do.