Thanks AS! I look at what you share about your current life and it gives me great hope and strength to take my life by the horns and make it what I want it to be. You sound happy and content with your life and your R with your GF sounds healthy and full of life.
Just to give 100% disclosure here, everything is fantastic but I do struggle with making the R permanent. My GF is awesome, she is full of energy and thinks I hung the moon and I do love her a lot. Despite the age difference we have a lot of shared interests and we have a blast doing them. I'm an extrovert and love attention anyway, so the age difference is actually amusing to me, I love to see people's reactions when we're out together. Anyway all of that is great but after having been BD'd and gone through S and D, it is really hard to lower those walls again. REALLY hard. I keep her at arm's length and insulate myself from the risk of another BD. That's not fair to her, but we've talked about it and at least so far she's been accepting. I keep thinking that maybe we just need more time but we've been together almost 3 years!! So yeah, the effects of a broken M don't go away quickly or easily!
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Yeah I am not trying to lose weight drastically. I don't have much to lose so I'd have to starve myself to get the 10 other pounds off lol. The weight loss is a combination of me getting physically active and changing my diet to improve my blood sugars and bring it under control.
Excellent! Congrats on your weight loss! I got a little soft around the middle around Thanksgiving so I've been cutting too. Have lost 5 pounds since then. Another 5 and I'll be down to around 12% bodyfat, so that's my target. I was there about a year ago and really liked how I looked, was getting compliments from men as well as women Then my scale broke and ignorance was bliss, hahahaha!
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I am wondering if I should change my approach with her. Not with the aim of seeing if it leads to recon or anything, but just in generally to show her that I am a different person.
She predicted that I was going to remain angry with her and cut her out of my life - which is how I have survived in the past when close people have betrayed me. Unfortunately, that has happened and led me to built survival skills for emotional protection.
Well you know we always say you can't "nice" her back, but I firmly believe you have even less of a chance to "mean" her back, LOL! I think you've got to strike a balance. You don't want to fawn all over her and be Plan B, but you definitely don't want to be cold/ indifferent/ uncaring either. Friendly neighbor is the best approach I think. Benito was/ is a master at it and it really paid off in his sitch.
Then my scale broke and ignorance was bliss, hahahaha! 