Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 11, filing for D

[Stormchaser]

What you are writing sounds exhausting. To have to be constantly on (Like we are at work) And perfect. At all times. When the kids are small, when we are sleep deprived, when we are exhausted. Chances are, our spouses were not perfect either. But we did not do things to betray or end or put at risk our families safety and security.

What makes marriage so much more difficult and perhaps sacred from other relationships like those in work and school is that marriage is supposed to be unconditional (with exception to betrayal and addiction) People, couples do lash out, and dress poorly, and smell bad and get sick and sad and nag. Its what we do because we are human. Our spouses might not like it, but they are just as imperfect and we dealt with them. Now this is not an excuse to not put effort into your relationship. But there should also be a grace period granted by our spouses. I notice a lot of the waywards on this board left after young kids, sickness, death.

Juju, I could not have said this any better.

I recently posted an update to my sitch - no sooner had I put this up did I get really, REALLY sick with a horrible respiratory infection. My W was stellar at first, getting my meds for me, taking care of me while I laid in bed. I mean, not only could I not breathe, I couldn't move. I felt paralyzed, super depressed, nothing was cheering me up. Within a few days, I could feel my W losing her patience with me, wanting me to go to the gym when clearly I was not in any condition. Trust me - I'm my own worst critic and I feel absolutely dreadful when I can't help around the house. But after a while, I began to feel like I was a burden to her. Like, at first it was great coming to my rescue, but now that I'm down for a few days longer, I'm noticing her staying on her phone longer, not asking me how I am....

I thought - maybe I'm being a pain in the butt. I point blank asked her, in my sorry state, if there was anything I was doing wrong, did I have unreasonable expectations? No, she said, everything was fine, and why was I so worried about things? I didn't want to tell her that when she distanced from me before, it was when she was in her affair with OM.

So I wrote it off as me being sick and probably over-sensitive. Within a week, I slowly recovered BUT she started getting sick. She waited until she could barely move when she finally went to the doctor, who diagnosed her the same infection as me, but worse because she waited longer. The beginnings of pneumonia. I went right into caregiver mode and put aside my job, my duties around the house, and waited on her hand and foot.

I felt like I was stepping up to the plate (something I would've done for ANYONE in my family) - as time went on, she was being sarcastic and constantly on my case about mundane things. I validated to the point where I put my own personal feelings aside. I was being berated and belittled at every turn while she was in bed. Not one time did I receive a simple "thank you" for getting her medication, waiting on her - if anything, I got constant selfish comments about herself. Good example is our daughter had a birthday. We were supposed to take her to dinner with her friends. I asked my W, "our daughter still wants to go out with her friends (she's an older teenager), what would you want? Should I cancel it and wait until you feel better? My wife pulled the "woe-is-me" and kept saying, "oh, you just go, don't worry about me".

Then it came to Xmas shopping. I told my W that I would rather wait until she got better so we could go together. I thought I was saying the right thing, then she asked to shop online instead. I had absolutely NO problem with that. She asked which credit card to use. I told her use her Amazon card. She then said, "I thought you closed it?" I replied, its yours, I can't close one of your credit cards. She got quiet then said (like I was some kind of child, too) I. Didn't. Ask. You. THAT. I. asked. if. you. CLOSED. it. down. like. we. agreed. Yes, she emphasized every word.

I'm exhausted, still drained from battling my own illness, and I feel like I've done nothing wrong. I expending so much energy on making her the top priority and all I'm getting is crapped on. This point blank reminds me of when she was in her affair land 2 years ago, when she found so many things wrong with me that she justified her affair.

And she's on her damn phone constantly. I'd like to think she's not hiding anything from me. At least I don't think so but I'm not as naive this time around.

If she is, I'm done.