There is seriously no easy way around all of this. I get about not breaking rank, but you seem to have had a frequency of interactions with W over the past 7 months and it seems that she's progressively started to thaw and chill. From where I see it, she's had a hard time deciding about Xmas, let alone coming to a place where she feels certain about the MR. The temptations are a killer I know - this is what led me to my temp check, but one thing I learned from it is that I won't ever do it again because it sounded so definitive.
If she has time to think about it, maybe her perspective will change. I think that creating that safe path is probably the best advice I can think of - but it's a beast as well because you have to be vigilant about your detachment and continue DBing.
You've been a model DBer no doubt and I would say you don't have anything to prove to anyone here. Whether or not you stay the course is not a marker of what you have done for yourself.
Yeah I think pulling the plug is a hard decision and I feel like the good fight needs to be fought until there is no stamina left. I don't think it would be an indication of you letting your family and daughters down - you can only do so much and if it's crickets from the other party, then you have to control on what you can, which is yourself.
I also give myself the pep talks like Ed Norton, but at some point something's gotta give. I would just hang in a bit longer and not give up out of desperation. At some point, I feel like I am just so beat down by this and I just want it to end and feel better. But I know that if I pull the plug, it may give me temporary relief, but it's not going to solve anything for me. As we've talked about, pulling the plug has to come from a place of strength and after you've just tried everything you could to salvage the MR - and I mean DB style, not pursuing and all of that.
I still have a lot of this tenderness towards her and I wonder if she's got some left. I know she's clouded by anger right now and I have to let her walk that journey and let it pass. Only after that maybe I have a shot. But in the time she's working on her anger, I need to show her that she still has a path and I haven't shunned her. Again, not waiting for her, but not rejecting her yet.
