Currently I feel it is like a Mexican standoff with neither party wanting to flinch.
I feel you on this one big time. I believe my W is petrified of making any moves because she is unsure how I would react to it. Since I told her I ain't her buddy, she's basically respected NC from me and only contacted me when it was kid related. She has also said in the past that she would never bring anything up and I believe her on that.
So, in terms of what Slater said about fighting for your MR, I feel that I will have to take the higher road but work really hard to keep my emotions and expectations in check. I won't bring up R stuff, but if I can squeeze in some friendly interactions slowly over time, it might thaw the situation out and let her know that I am not on edge around her and she can maybe start to relax and not have anxiety about interacting with me.
I will have to gauge it obviously and see how to go about it. I wish I was just in this really detached place with a shield around my heart that I could just do this and not have to worry about it. But I know I am not and with every day that goes by, it feels like everything is slipping away and I am not actually fighting for the MR. I dunno. I am not going to start making up stuff to interact with her, but small things here and there. I have zero doubt that she feels that I am super angry with her, that I hate her guts, and that I don't ever want to see her face - there is some truth to that, but I still have a lot of love for her and would want to work on things with her.
I guess what I am saying is that I need to show her that the path is safe to me. It is not riddled with anger and hate.
