Knowing my W I couldn't see her showing and remorse because she feels justified in her actions. Looking back she was unhappy with everything in her life, the kids, the dogs, me, the house....IMO she felt like a rat in a cage.
Yeah I don't see my W ever showing remorse. I know she feels guilt about how this is impacting the kids, but I am sure she feels justified in her actions. J - does your W have anger towards you?
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So M what are your plans for the holidays? Are you doing something together as a family or will you be extending an invitation to your W to come together as a family?
We haven't discussed any plans yet. I know cutting things close to the wire. I am leaning towards doing things together. I know that she would accept that. I am wondering if it's better to engage her in 'friendly' situations and show her that I am not angry at her any more. I know it's subsided and it's still there down there doing a slow simmer, but it isn't going to come up any time soon. She's also always on edge when I am with her and I need to change that dynamic up, not for the hopes of recon, but we will run into each other for kids stuff all the time and I'd just like it to be chill.
I also just need to do a 180 on my survival approach where I used to cut people out of my life. It's just not the most productive way to deal with conflict. Personal growth right
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I do think my W is in for a very rude awakening. I am not Brad Pitt but I am not chopped liver either.
I am with you on this one and what Slater said about the slim pickings out there for moms with kids. But it totally depends on what they want - are they just looking around to get laid? If so, you know there's tons of men who would willingly oblige. But if she's looking for a R, then that's a helluva different ballgame. But if the realization that the field is pretty empty for her comes after 5 years or longer, I know that I would've definitely moved on by then and chances for recon from my end would be non-existent.
I get she's at a place where she can't work on the MR, but the flip side is that the longer she waits to come to a decision, that time works against her as I will have drifted away from her. So, that sweet spot where both parties might want to work on the MR becomes significantly tiny.
Sorry to hear about the sexual abuse history in your W's family J. That is one thing that terrifies me as well. I am sure she has good sense and would take necessary steps for their safety, but I do worry about the kids.
