Contact from the dark side.

[ciluzen]

Hey, Irish! I usually just follow along with your posts quietly, but that was an interesting reaction from your MLCer.

So, she's seeing a therapist, trying to figure out why her life is the way it is, and is obviously having to confront her part in things little by little. That's gotta be very painful. Most of us have gone through the same process as we've traveled the LBS road...acknowledging our part in our breakups. So what happens when we do this?

-We have the "epiphany".
-We get very excited because we see it.
-We get sad because we feel horrible about what we have done.
-We want to share our new found knowledge with our (other
person) and anyone else who can help, hoping they'll say
"yes! you get it now!" and work with us on what we want.
Show us we are stil valued.
-When that doesn't happen with our other, we sit with it and
slowly get a little angry that they aren't understanding our
efforts.
-We then try to take control of something, ANYTHING, in the
situation to feel that we have some control over something.
We do this by lashing out, spewing, or saying no to simple
little requests JUST BECAUSE WE CAN. Or, we beg and cry.
Sort of a wimpy attempt to control.
-Then we feel awful, often going into a depression or down
period. This is when we get to again do some soul searching,
either alone, with others, or with (hopefully) a really good
therapist. Then the cycle begins again.

Any of it sound familiar?

As much as it drives us crazy or looks just like bad behavior, its part of a process. And it looks to me like she might actually have a helpful therapist guiding her through the process. So, ignore (as you are) the bad behavior...don't acknowledge it. But feed the good behavior with praise and understanding. Basic dog training, really, LOL. In other words, do just what you're doing.

I really just wanted to say, keep up the good work...you are a fantastic father and are handling the situation very well. It is a pleasur to follow along and learn from your situation.