Cherry, I like your advice. I also admire the fact that you're able to do those things at night! About every other night I fall asleep together with my daughter from exhaustion and the other nights I mostly feel listless by the time I get my daughter to sleep, but I need to work on changing her schedule, getting her to bed early, and using the night time more wisely. I'll seriously work on that this week.

KML, I don't have much optimism for my husband as a father. I think he's capable if he has the interest. He just doesn't have it. I'd do anything to fix my marriage if I had a partner that was willing to fix it. I've tried to make the conditions right for that to happen but it hasn't happened after years of trying. I will definitely ask for what I need in a divorce settlement. I have a budget already made up for the move and all associated expenses regarding my 'new' life. I'll keep refining it.

Jim, that is true. Over Thanksgiving I think my husband had a brief moment where he realized how badly he's screwed up and felt sorry. Then I think he woke up the next day and said to himself "oh well."

All, I did talk to my husband last night about my plans to move and the need for his financial support. He made a few statements that I'll list in quotations with my responses afterwards and my thoughts in parenthesis:

My husband: "You should have a job lined up first, then you can think about moving." ----> Me: That's true. Ideally a job would come first, but I don't have anyone to watch our daughter while I travel for interviews plus it's unlikely in my field that they'd hire someone based in a far away state who promises to move in the future. I need to be there, ready-to-work, with my daughter already adapted to a new school. Then when the right offer comes I can start right away.

My husband: "Ok I'll start looking for a job there too." ---> Me: I'd prefer to have some space to start over (not really sure what else to say...if he can't work on the marriage then why does he want to follow us?).

My husband: "If I don't find a new job I'll start working one week on, one week off so I can come to see <daughter's name.>" ---> Me: Ok (I'm thinking seriously? You can barely see her now and suddenly you'll change your entire work schedule?).

My husband: "Once the house is done I'll work on everything (meaning his life, our marriage, etc..)" ---> Me: (No response from me. I'll believe that when it actually happens)

My husband: "I'm not thinking of divorce right now." ---> Me: I'm considering it and I'm trying to understand the process here in this state and if we live in two different states (I really am. There's nothing to lose as many of you have noted and the DB book says to follow through if it comes to that.)

I believe the above statements from my husband do reveal something. I believe right now he's so focused on his life that he's not thinking about my daughter and I at all. He takes it for granted that we're here and he probably doesn't expect me to move on. It seems the normal DB techniques didn't really cause any alarm for my husband, but us moving does affect him on some level. Perhaps when he sees us actually move he'll finally think about the consequences of his actions. Maybe there's that last glimmer of hope where he'd 'wake up.' I do believe by that time I'll be strong enough to stand up for what's right.

The previous situation where I agreed to be just roommates until my husband was ready to work on the marriage didn't work at all. But sadly I don't see it being easy to forgive and love a man who turned his back on me when I was sick, who ignores his child, who's had many affairs and was only sorry he was caught, and who generally fell into a life of sin and greed. There'd need to be a true awakening on his part, a desire to face God and cleanse himself from his sick lifestyle, and a commitment to a long-term treatment plan and a pattern of long-term change before we could try again. I wish it would be much easier than that, but these are serious issues.

The final thought is just my own regret at what I've done wrong and what I could have done differently. In my case, being too nice and weak gave my husband the green light to do whatever he wants. I need to work on changing myself. Thanks again everyone for your input.