I am wondering if I should change my approach with her. Not with the aim of seeing if it leads to recon or anything, but just in generally to show her that I am a different person.
She predicted that I was going to remain angry with her and cut her out of my life - which is how I have survived in the past when close people have betrayed me. Unfortunately, that has happened and led me to built survival skills for emotional protection.
I don't get to see her often and I don't want to manufacture excuses where she sees me, but I think that if I can show her that I am not doing what she predicted, it might make her take a step back in her thinking. Also, I don't know how healthy it is for me to hold on to the anger and bitterness. I just need to find productive ways to let it go.
About not doing family events, I am completely with you on it. Even though it is about making the WAW feel loss of family time, as you mentioned in Chris's thread, it can come across as punitive in some ways. My kids bdays are coming up and we haven't discussed it yet. I am planning on doing something with them just with me, but I wonder if I should bring up doing something together. At this point, it would at least be for the sake of the kids and I know they would prefer that. I can swallow my pride and not wanting to do family time for their sakes and see how it goes.
I guess what I am asking you is if you would do some of these things differently now that you're 20 months out. Not saying if it would have changed anything in the sitch or made your W think differently, but if is the higher road to take here.
Part of me does want to punish her, no doubt. But, as you said, if I swallow some of my pride and anger, I wonder if it could lead to thawing of everything and allow her to see me in my new authentic self. This is all with zero expectations obviously.
This is such a minefield and in the case where there is no OM, I wonder if the LBS swallowing their pride first is the more prudent move to make.
