New LBS dealing with WW

[Joe2017]

What is the difference between a walking and a wayward?

All of my recent behavior is kind of counter to anything she has expected. She has been surprised with every change I've made and all of my reactions for the past two weeks. I've been catching her off guard.

She has described an emotional attachment to another man and she told me point blank that she hasn't cheated but she could see herself with other men. She tells me she is tired of marriage and she stopped doing anything at the house. She has mentally checked out of our relationship. She tells me she loves me but is not in love with me. That she loves my kid still. Etc.

I thought that was wayward?

[Joe2017]

After more research it seems that I have a combination of walk away and wayward here. She is both. So I am going to just keep moving forward with GAL and keep a positive attitude around her, no matter how my heart feels.

After telling her that she is going to get her divorce, she has been much kinder to me. Softer tones. She sat down next to me today after coming back from whatever. We chatted small talk.

I told her my boy and I going to be volunteering at a local charity we both love. She asked why now after all this time that she has asked to do this. I told her that she was right, but I'm not doing it for her I'm doing it for myself.

I'm still GAL and I do not feel like R is my goal. I am getting served this week so, that's that. If R happens it's because my WW has a change of heart (not likely I know) or her Plan A becomes infeasible. Her mind is made up, obviously.

[Joe2017]

BTW, the conversation was civil and less than 10 minutes. She is now in another room, because I told her last week the MBR is mine.

When I told her I was taking the MBR last week she lost it on me. Today, she conceded it with no argument at all.

[Jim1234]

Good for you! And I'm sure the charity is happy to have the help.

[Joe2017]

WW wanted to talk. I felt like she was being open and her guard was down. I was VERY cautious to making her defensive. She said she couldn't talk about a PA but I know about the EA because she already told me. (I found lingerie etc that allow me to believe that a PA has happened but she doesn't know that I know.)

We had a very frank and open discussion about how I'm moving on even though we both are moving forward with D. I made it clear I'm not holding out for her but I understand all the things she is going through. I reassured her that I know how hard things are for her. How I accept the divorce and I forgive her for anything. I reaffirmed my stance on the D, but that I will not stop it if it is what she really wants.

This is a hard time in her life and I wanted to make her know I'm not her enemy, that I can be supportive and I can also move on with my life and I'm fully prepared to do it, and that I'm even doing it right now and making personal improvements for MY OWN benefit NOT hers. The conversation ended with her giving me a hug.

It was actually a genuine moment. I did it so I could heal personally and help ease tensions in my house.

I hope it helps make the D smoother.

[LH19]

I reaffirmed my stance on the D, but that I will not stop it if it is what she really wants.

This is a hard time in her life and I wanted to make her know I'm not her enemy, that I can be supportive and I can also move on with my life and I'm fully prepared to do it, and that I'm even doing it right now and making personal improvements for MY OWN benefit NOT hers. The conversation ended with her giving me a hug.

Joe,

So you find out she is having a PA and your worried about conveying to her that you will be supportive and then end it with a hug? WTF. That's very weak behavior Joe!Now she knows she has you wrapped around her little finger and you will be around as plan B if OM doesn't work out. Come on man.

[Joe2017]

Got it. Got it. Got it.

Damn it damn it.

[Joe2017]

Doing my best. Moving my money. Making it clear I'm moving forward without her.

I'm not looking for her validation,but I am.

This is so fresh, I'm trying my best to apply these techniques.


Something I have to keep in mind is that if she views me as a threat she will lash out and go into overdrive. Her personality is defensive to the extreme, even under normal circumstances. I've made this effort to make the threat not ME but everything else that goes with this process.

I'm still GAL. I've taken the MBR. I'm taking my money. I'm doing things to move forward with the D. I'm doing my best.

I just have to make the real threat to her safety the rest of her life.

[LH19]

This is so fresh, I'm trying my best to apply these techniques.

Joe this is where people get confused. There are no techniques, tricks, magic that is going to turn this around quickly. You can't make it better right now but you can make it worse.

Accept that for now that your marriage is over and start to detach, GAL and decide the kind of man Joe wants to become in the future.

It's a marathon not a sprint Joe!

[Joe2017]

I get that is is a marathon. I get it. I don't feel like I have much time. D has been filed. It makes me panic a little bit.