Separation imminent (cont.)

[MoveFrwd]

She still thinks that her P will still welcome me with open arms

But - why would you WANT to hang around with her parents? Im sure down the line that youll have plenty of time to spend with your parents or your future significant other's family. If your kids want to see them, then she can take them.

Wish I had listened to all of you and just kept my mouth shut... we then discussed M again and counseling and how she’s out of marriage and I am in...

Maybe now is time to STOP telling her that "You are in".

Like I said before, she has absolutely zero fear that you would reject her if she did come back. That takes away ALL of her incentive to ever want to come back.

She admittted it’s really hard as she doesn’t know what I’m doing etc. I mentioned we could both start being honest.
Brought A up as example of how she’s not being honest with me .. said tell me honestly you are going to his place weekly and talking to OM daily... she said she didn’t want to get into it...I pointed out she just confirmed it by refusing to deny it.

How hard it is not knowing what I’m doing etc. (I told her what I did last night and how little I actually spent (as financial infidelity is one of her complaints). I invited her to be honest with me as well and let’s work on communication and future...

WHAT?!?!

Its hard that SHE doesnt know what YOU are doing? Who gives a crap whether its 'hard' for her? Make it clear that the children are cared for. Otherwise, why on earth does it matter if she knows what youre doing. Its better for you if she doesnt know. Why in the heck would you want to share the details of your GAL with her?

Do you see how she wants you on her hook? She batted her eyelashes at you and you told her everything you are doing. She doesnt want to be with you....but she sure as hell wants you to stay available to her in case she changes her mind later. And every time you open your mouth, you show her that you will be.

She refused to accept that counseling might bear fruit

If shes already checked out....it wont.

I explained that I have worked almost nonstop on M since I understood she was unhappy. The changes have been for both.

If she doesnt want a marriage, then you saying that you want to change for her/M just reinforces that in your mind she is the bad guy. Stop pushing the M on to her.

and now see after 2 weeks of this pattern that there is no stopping this from going forward (she’s truly given up hope and moved on and refuses even consider a possible future Except as co-parents)

Yeah. These are her feelings now. But they could change. But every time you have this sdame talk it starts you back over at 0. You are so inconsistent, she cant actually trust any of these changes. They all feel like a trick. A trap.

I’m getting to point I just want this to be over

Untiul you learn to take control of yourself and to detach....it will never actually be over.

Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself but, I can’t stop what’s coming, I can/am gradually making it worse

YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IS COMING.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow or next week or next month or next year.

All I can say with 100% certainty is that you are making this worse with these talks.

More than anything in the world I want a chance to make this right for her/us/kids/family... but reality is I killed off whatever love she had for me long ago.

This IS your chance. Stop following every word SHE says and start listening to the advice you are getting and actually follow it.