Yes picking self back up... but feeling a bit down because of how this continues to deteriorate...
Going back to LRT... not sure if it's making any difference either way... but doing nothing surely won't.
Once you accept M is over... not sure why I've fought this notion so d*mn hard... really don't want my kids, family etc to be hurt when I feel deep down it's not the right thing to do.
But WW stated her position clearly... she sees why I want to try again... nothing changes for me... but she can't put her happiness on hold any longer ("says OM isn't reason... and that may be... but he's making her "happy" right now and for her that's the most imp. thing.)
She disagrees vehemently with me saying to kids We've disagreed about a great many things recently and this is no different. But when one person wants to remain married and the other does not, we cannot remain married... (and if they ask who's who, letting them know it isn't important and what's important is that we both have agreed and will always agree on them being one of the best decisions we ever made together).
I think it's imp. as to say we're getting divorced is a lie (she's D me and I'm being D). and they WILL find out eventually (she takes this as I'm planning to tell them... which isn't true... but this is what MWD says and she says when this happens they will feel betrayed and angry with spouse who wanted to remain M).
I don't want them to hate their mother... I also don't want them to hate me. (I know they are likely to blame me as they see their Mom sleeping in spare room downstairs... have heard us arguing in past... and when she moves out they are HIGHLY likely to blame me for "making her leave" which will truly break my heart as this is the last thing I ever wanted, and I know in my heart and head that I can't "sell her out" to kids as they need their mother and I don't EVER want them to become pawns between us. She says she doesn't want them to be turned against me either and has worked "hard" to ensure that doesn't happen...(I didn't point out S15 grilling me about why I didn't take Mom to event or sell tickets, or why I wouldn't tell her who I took... or how he sees she's really upset with my Behavior going "OUT" and he's asking me to tone it back or consider not doing this as It's really Upsetting her)... I see this as a direct contradiction to what she stated...
sigh
Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
