Why are you taking her to your work Xmas party? That's couple type stuff and if you're not a couple, I wouldn't do it.
In terms of her telling you what's the status, you could ask her and she might tell you where she's at right NOW, but that could change over the next few months. Unless there's some crazy amount of mixed messages going then I would leave it alone.
In my sitch (I wrote about it), I was getting crazy mixed messages from her - from wanting to hang out and have wine to sleeping in the same bed and texting me stuff etc etc. It really f$^#ed with my mind and I couldn't take it anymore. So, I did the anti-DB thing and did a huge temp check on her and she came back with the same script. So, I knew that all this mixed messaging stuff was either confusion on her part or trying to let me down easy - both of which was pretty infuriating. But, I did get clarity on where her head was at that moment and since then I've been DBing my head off.
That experience taught me that I shouldn't have doubted the DB philosophy and just implemented it and it would've been better. But, I kinda did it half-a$$ and backslid a few times and so her actions were messing with my head.
I would stop hanging out with her and trying to be her 'friend'. Nothing good is going to come out of that for you. She needs to feel the loss of you not being in her life.
I would just say that DB your heart out and live your life. Stay NC with her outside of kids/finances and let her be. I know it's so hard to say than do, but it's the only way you can gain some mental peace and sanity.
