I'm feeling more recharged today. I was just really tired last night before I wrote that post.
Actually, before my post, I had just gotten done asking if my W had any ideas about her reaction and behavior the other night. This was more of an exercise in HOTM (holding on to myself) than me looking for insight. I just wanted to bring up a topic that she typically tries to "shut down" asap. As expected, she got really pissy when she tried to answer it. Especially when I asked about why she tried to keep her clothes on after she agreed to cuddle naked. Her response "you know I'm not a 'naked person'". I tried to comfort her by saying "you don't need to get all upset by this...I'm just asking you the question of whether you had some ideas about the way things transpired." Her response was "I would be a lot less upset if you would stop bugging me". Needless to say, I kept very aware of my "inner calm" and held my resolve until we ran out of material to work with. I could have just "dug" into her to come up with more insight but that would have been just sadistic because my whole intention was to "practice" HOTM. I felt sorry for her that she couldn't come up with anything more insightful.
I know that I should technically wait until the end of the book before doing anything but I've done "nothing" for so long that it actually feels very good to "exercise my legs" (though it's tiring). Also, my C told me that I need to practice putting her feet to the flames on issues I care about. I think practicing at least once a day isn't too extreme. Just a side note...in the 10 years of marriage, we have never had a "heated" argument or fight.
As far as your observations about my W's differentiation, I know you guys are right. I'm seeing subtle signs of her changing in other aspects of her life. She used to be obsessive about the cleanliness of the house but "little" things are starting to slide and I'm picking up this slack. I'm also trying to understand why she doesn't thank me anymore for the AOS I have been doing. It might be payback for the thankless years of her taking care of everything. If that's the case, then I'm happy to let her have her retribution. Better there than in the bedroom.
In general, these little signs of change are encouraging and give me energy to keep working.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
