I understand ya H/W are angry,mad or hurt with your spouse but why take the anger out on your child lash out on them not care of kids feeling or emotions.i break my head not understanding why hurt children's in the process. How can I show W she is hurting them or how can I want her to love her kids again. W will be served next week with custody of all 3 kids and child support will this make her more angry or will this wake her up. After everything she has cause us I still wish her the best and happiness I don't ever want to hurt her as she done with US.
good afternoon, marina7... i cannot answer your question... i didn't have anger toward my H... the entire time i was cheating, i knew it was wrong, and i knew he did not deserve it... i could not rewrite our history... even though others (mainly friends) tried to rewrite it for me... but i would not let them... when it came down to it, i could not and would not lie to myself... i never made excuses for my waywardness... during this time, H thought there was something wrong with me, and that i needed to figure out what that was--on my own... without him... i believe he was protecting himself...
regarding our sons, i never did anything to purposely hurt them... i did not use them as pawns... for twelve years, i had my kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week--since i homeschooled them... i poured myself into them... when i moved across the country, it was to be for maybe 4 weeks, and that turned into 18 months... i came back home for a visit for three weeks after being away for two months... my sons came back with me and stayed for 8 weeks... a month after they left, i returned to visit them for 2 weeks... and then one month later, i went back for a one week visit... about six weeks later, i went back to visit for two weeks during the holidays... and about two months later, i visited again for 2 weeks... then about 8 weeks after that, they came for the summer again... and at the end of the summer, the three of us came back for good... so i saw them as much as i could... i am not saying what i did did not hurt my kids... i am saying that i did not purposely hurt them...
when i wasn't with them, i would still homeschool them via SKYPE... i worked part time, so when i would get off work, i would go home and do school with them... it was 1:00 pm my time, and 10:00 am their time, so that worked out well... so we SKYPED for several hours M-F while i was living away... unconventional... but i did get bombarded with heavy guilt about 6 months after i came home for good (right before the reconciliation)... it hit me hard... but nobody held it against me... not my H, not my sons, not my siblings, etc... they say i did what i did--retreated across the country--as a way of saving myself... i say, "perhaps..."
so i am sorry that i am not able to shed any light on your question... i am sorry you and your children are having to endure such heartache... all i can say is try to do what my husband finally did (after months and months of snooping and splicing every syllable)... let her go... don't try to figure her out... do everything you can to live your life with your children in an authentic way... right now your wife is like a poison to you and your family... do what you must to preserve yourself and your children...
