Passionate Marriage

[NotATLDave]

Folks,
I'm overcooked. The following is just mindless rambling. PM is truly great but it's a mind bender. Just when you think you've got the gist, he puts one more layer on top. It's getting tiring. I've heard of meditation "texts" that supposedly confuse you to a point that you have moments of epiphany...I'm starting to think this qualifies. I don't want to dissuade anyone from reading it. We could theoretically become pretty decent, self-taught counselors by collaborating on the contents of this here and playing scenarios like we've been doing.

From Passionate Marriage pg. 202
...differentiation doesn't occur unless you do something. (Don't kid yourself that just reading this book will free you or your marriage from the shackles of fusion.). Differentiation involves taking a stand that defines you and, at first at least, may evoke ominous responses from your partner. You are likely to hear accusations such as "You're making a mistake" or "You'll destroy our relationship" more than once before the benefits kick in.
Becoming more differentiated doesn't mean that the stand you take is "right". It means the stand you take is yours and that you are responsible for your actions.

After reading this, I realized why Tim is taking some time to "digest it". I need to as well. I'm not sure what I'm going to do in the meantime. Lately, she has increased her declarative statements about her persona. Things like "I'm just not a 'naked' person and I never have been". She told this to the C who said "...but you were born naked". She even repeated this one tonight out of the context of what we were talking about. It was weird. To some degree, her ability to hang onto herself might be being challenged by me and she's waging a subconscious battle to keep her identity while I'm sort of raising my differentiation. She's starting to "bumble" for the first time. This might be progress. I'm just wondering if the next time she says "I'm not a naked person", I should say "I'm not really a TV watcher" and henceforth let her sit alone at night.

What's really tricky with my W is that she "appears" very differentiated but it's more likely "disinterested", I've got to find the most effective way to shake the tree. There's something "just not right" in our sitch and I haven't figured it out yet. Last night I dreamt that I was hanging around college friends and someone confirmed to me that my W was gay. This triggered me to wake but not before seeing one last image in my dream. I was standing on the edge (or on top of the water) of a lake. There was no horizon or sky. Just water. In the middle of the water was a white, thin obelisk. I have no idea what it meant, especially after the previous dream. Thinking that she is gay is a definitely a "cop-out" to addressing myself but maybe my brain was trying to tell me to take a break. I welcome any attempts to analyze this.

From Passionate Marriage pg. 180
And in a strange, predictable, and wonderful way, the pressure went up on Warren but not in the relationship

It feels like this is happening with us a little bit but it feels like I've been applying "blunt-force" with slight effect. I hope I can find greater efficiency as I get more experienced.

I think I might need to consolidate my margin-marks, starts, and underlines into a sheet of notes and review them.

I like being challenged but it get's tiring. I just wrote a sentence that was really "braggish" about my technical capacities and how I worry that my W will have a much harder time with this book...then I realized I was self-validating myself through my occupation. This constant "monitoring" is tiring. Maybe I can temper it somehow...mmmm beer.