New LBS dealing with WW

[sandi2]

I am scared that our argument this morning is a major setback.

Your W not getting her way is not what causes major setbacks. Enabling her to continue disrespecting you is what causes setbacks.

Your body & mind is going to run out of fuel b/c you are living in fear. You fear she won't reconcile. You fear she'll D you. You fear she will have a PA.

It is good that you are seeing how jumping through rings of fire does not win the heart of your W. She is not the prize. Maybe you need to adjust that mindset just a little. Why not consider yourself as the prize? Have you forgotten how valuable you are and that a lot of women would love to have a man such as yourself? When you stop breaking your neck to convince your W to R........and focus on the man you want to be, then maybe she will see who is the real prize. In the current dynamic, she sees herself as the prize. She places herself higher than you. The more you try to appease a wayward/hard hearted W........the more she's convinced you are beneath her, and that kills attraction. She should be concerned she could lose you, not the other way around. Until that dynamic changes, you will be grabbing at anything that comes along, trying to persuade her to stay in the M.

I believe it is more effective to use the "let her go" method, and let her believe she is the one being dumped instead of her giving you the boot. I don 't mean you have to go file for a D, but to have the attitude you have dumped her. I say this from the VP of a woman......and former WW. If men would do this as soon as he gets the bomb, it would turn things around dramatically.

Here is an old post from PatientMan:

Originally Posted By: Bing
I've basically spent the last month begging or testing out hollow tactics to "snap her out of it." In short I've dug myself into a deep hole.

Learn the lesson now - and do not forget - that being fake will get you nowhere you want to be. Not just in this situation, but in life.

A tremendously important part of this journey is the self-evaluative process you undertake - putting in the time and effort to figure out who the man you want to be is, keeping the good traits, getting rid of or changing the bad traits, and understanding that no one...NO ONE has the power to change that person you are becoming. No matter how someone else acts, no matter what someone else says, YOU are going to be the man you are intended to be.

So no easing. Evaluate the situation. Determine the plan. Execute the plan.

That is an informed and intelligent approach. And it does not rely on feelings, but on truths and actions. Your feelings will lie to you. They will try to get you to do things your head knows is better. Never never never blindly follow your feelings.

Always be honorable. Always do the right thing. Become the man only a fool would leave. Be a leader. Be bold. Stand firm in your convictions.

-PM

And another post from long time DB member, Starsky:

There are some things in life that fall (at least in my idealistic/altruistic mind) under the "Things That Ought Not to Be So" category. A lot of basic male-female human dynamics fall into that file it seems.

I have long said on this forum that people would be very wise to study the cr*p out of these basic relationship and interpersonal dynamics, and LEARN. So much time and energy seems to get wasted on some basic version of "But it shouldn't BE that way!" angst on the part of the betrayed spouse, instead of just snapping into action and actually USING these dynamics IN THEIR OWN FAVOR.

Bottom line, supplication isn't attractive and it doesn't work. Men AND women both tend to value most that which is difficult to obtain.

I copied and pasted these two quotes b/c they can get the message across in such fewer words than I can. I hope they will be encouraging for you.