tim BTW, that idea of yours of how to fall asleep is something I've never HEARD of before, much less thought about! Talk about self-control
This is the second time I tried it. The first time, I couldn't control myself and had to pull out. This time I simply said to myself "let her sleep, you got to connect with her, just relax because you can take care of business later with the fab-5".
Quote:
How much closer are you to getting real DESIRE from her? Duty sex does not count for anything in my book.
The "differentiated self" gives a new context to "duty sex" on the part of the LDW. When they are absolutely certain that they have the option of saying "no" without fear of hurting your feelings etc. and they see that YOU want to ML because you WANT them versus NEED them to "soothe" you, "validate" you or give you "an emotional crutch" (pathetic isn't sexy). I'm sure I'm going to be "duty sex" alot for a while but instead of letting it bother me, I'm simply going be myself and not be scared to ask for sex when I want it. A few weeks ago I would have rather not initiated if I knew it was duty sex. Now it's different. If my W is given the freedom to "choose" by me not being "needy" then her "yes" will have new meaning to herself. In other words..."duty implies the existence of need" while my "wanting and her choosing implies that she too wanted". Get it? I'll repeat this again. When your LDW has complete freedom to choose without fear, then their agreement is no longer "duty" but rather "acceptance". It will be their choice to bring their "good mindset" or their "bad mindset" into the bedroom. Eventually your LDW will "hear themselves" rejecting or accepting your bids Rejection in this context gives them "anxiety" instead of "guilt"...their "anxiety" will lead them to change. I think that's how it works...maybe. It's darn complex but it's starting to make sense.
Do I see her getting any real "desire" back yet? A little bit. Like I said last week, she got drunk and initiated (first time in 8 years to initiate). She said "yes" to last night and I gave her multiple chances to say no. She desired the marriage enough to say "yes"...the "head" she brings to bed is her own problem. Eventually she won't like the "head" she's bringing into the bedroom and she will confront herself. That's how it will work.
I hope this makes sense.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
