Dave, I want to ask you to expand on your assertion that you no longer feel rejection. How is this possible and is this even a realistic goal to strive for?
I read PM, but it was a few years ago and it was about one month into our attempts to fix our marriage. We were so new to the process that my focus when I was reading it was "getting more sex" (to be honest) instead of repairing the relationship. So I must admit that my grasp of PM is not that great anymore. Nothing to compare to you Schnarch-ians!
So my understanding was not that one doesn't feel rejection anymore, but it's more in what you do with those feelings. Are you able to self soothe? Do you then (for the next few days) pursue your partner, looking for validation of yourself? Etc.
So can you explain that further to me?
Also, I love your going to sleep method! That would be right up my alley. H and I used to, when first married, fall asleep with each other's genitals in our hands. Not stroking or anything, just cupped there. It was so soothing and relaxing and not sexual, really, at all. Intimacy incarnate. Then it dropped off and I recently asked him to start doing it again. He said that he would love to, but he was afraid that it would "get me going". I assured him that I know the difference between the nights when he is giving off sexual signals and those when he is wanting to relax and go to sleep. If he then slips his hand under me (I sleep on my stomach, or try to these days) I will not get a mistaken impression and think that he's starting something. I DO know the difference, it's just that sometimes I try to take an innocent action and turn it into something less innocent!
Have a good day and good for you for setting a boundary with your wife and keeping it! You did great! (How's that for validation, ha haaaa)
