Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 7

[Holding]

Thanks for the feedback, y'all.

Is there someone who can watch the kids while she's moving out so you can be at the house?

Probably. I'll look into it.

H.....when my W moved out our kids went to a friends house and played while I stayed at the house with her.

So you stayed at the house. Are you glad you did?

Make a detailed list of the things each of you will keep and have her sign and date the list (and vice versa). That's what my XW and I did and it worked well.

One word of caution, my XW put our sons' computers and gaming consoles on her list. I called her out on that. Those things belonged to my sons so I told her they're the ones that needed to decide where those items would go. They chose to have their stuff stay with dad; what a surprise.

I like your suggestion of a list. It seems like the best way to do things. Thanks for the word of caution. We've informally agreed to something similar about the kids stuff several months back, but I have no idea if she plans to stick to that.

What's going to happen if she takes something she shouldn't? Three things: (1) she will keep it forever, (2) you will get it back in the divorce settlement, (3) she will destroy it so neither of you can have it.

Unless you're worried about #3, I wouldn't worry about it. You need to inventory all the stuff you care about so you might as well do that now. If she wants to take something and you're present, what's going to happen then? Are you physically going to prevent her from taking it? If you do, she may end up with it anyway if that's how the divorce settlement is decided.

Very good points, Acc. I've been thinking along the same lines myself. I guess I'm concerned she'll take something big and totally unexpected that would leave me in a bind, like the washing machine, fridge, or beds. I don't plan to physically get in the way at all, just observe and voice my concerns if she takes something I don't agree with.

I would think that it will be much easier *for you* not to be present while she moves out. Watching this site, the problem most people have is that their spouses leave their crap behind versus taking too much, then it's difficult to get them to come back and pick up their clutter.

You're probably right. I guess it would be easier on me. But things being easier on me isn't really a concern I can afford right now. I'm not worried about her leaving things behind at this point. I'm sure there will be some things, and I have places in the house to put them so I don't have to look at them.

If there are things you think are going to be contentious in terms of who gets them, best to list that out and schedule a time to discuss it with W when the boys aren't present. If you schedule a time to do that versus springing it on her, she'll have time to mentally prepare and will be more receptive to the discussion.

Good suggestion to schedule a time for the list. I'll try to do that. I'm just waiting to hear from my L on what she advises. STBXW hasn't said anything about a schedule to have the kids, so there are multiple issues wrapped up in this.

why doesn't she arrange to have your boys out of the house that day?

Hi Artista, thanks for dropping by my thread. Actually, I'll be out of town with the boys from the New Years holiday, and she wants me to stay out of town until she's moved out. So we'd be coming back to a house without her. She plans to tell the boys ahead of time so it won't be a surprise when then get back.

But if I come back before the move, we'll probably have someone from her side of the family watch the kids.

For me, none of the 'stuff' was important, only the collapse of the marriage mattered. Kind of like worrying about losing the umbrella in the trunk when your $500,000 Mercedes is stolen.....

Hi Jim, I get your point and can see how what I said might seem callous, like I only care about my stuff and not her. To be clear, my first reaction to the news of her moving out was a little sadness. If this had happened 6 months ago, I'd be a total wreck right now. But I've come to terms with her moving out, and I realize it'll probably be very good for me.