Patience. That's a big thing for me. I have always been one of those people who goes crazy waiting for things to get done. For other people to do them. Sometimes I feel like I will go bananas.
And as you probably have already guessed...I'm a fixer. This is the first serious, life shattering thing that I can't finish up or fix. I just have to sit here knowing that H is suffering no matter how it might look to others. And even though I try to make things not so horrible I know that our DD isn't buying it and neither is our DGD.
DD is an adult and knows/feels the damage that is being done. She was always a Daddy's girl. Up to the day he left they were inseparable. He spent time every day with her and SIL. DD and H work together so she is still seeing him every single day but he distanced himself from her. DGD is young so she is hurting but doesn't know what the crap is going on so she just thinks H doesn't want to see her anymore. For her it went from seeing him every day to once a week and now to maybe for a few minutes if he happens to run into her.
H was the kind of man that loved his family completely. Mostly now he says that he isn't damaging anything and his relationships with the kids are good but then other times he will say he is losing or has already lost them. He has lost everything.
I can see how easy it would be for someone to just throw in the towel and move on. In some ways it would be so freeing to just be done with it all and start working on an all new relationship. The only problem is that it isn't something I can do. It doesn't feel right to me.
I know that all my fears and feelings aren't a whole lot different from anyone else's in this situation. It is eerie how similar yet different every story seems. Before I started lurking on this site I really thought I was all alone in this. I didn't have any knowledge on MLC and thought somehow this man had managed to lie to me for almost 30 years until he just decided lying was too much trouble and told the truth.
Sometimes I am still afraid he really isn't MLC and truly is just done with me.
Sorry so long and thanks for the advice. I am going to have to read and read and then read some more on detachment.
