Jim, you strike me as an extremely analytical person, which is fantastic, but may be working against you here. We've all been telling you for the last 10 pages or so that your W is NOT invested in your M. You seem to be trying to explain all these reasons why that may or may not be the case, but brother it's simple, she's NOT. So what are YOU going to do about YOU. That is the question for you to ponder. You can't make her want to work on things, but you CAN make yourself irresistible to the point that she fears losing you. So put your analytical skills to work figuring out what that looks like, how you can get there.
Originally Posted By: hoosjim
but I also am saying that I have a hard time seeing that point or how we get there based on where we are currently" [which is that even kisses are really awkward and weird and that right now the type of romantic intimacy envisioned for intimate couples "ain't gonna happen" for us] As an aside, this "ain't gonna happen" (whether qualified time-wise or not, now or in the future) is causing me to increasingly do a slow burn. Really? Really?!? She knows i heard her and Om discussing, in pretty graphic detail, EXACTLY what they were going to do to each other sexually if they ever got around to it.. and she was clearly "willing" or close to it... and now she's going to tell ME "well, I'll stay here and live with you and be your wife in name but we wont be doing that." REALLY?!?!?!?
GOOD Jim! You should be VERY angry about that, and fed up with the bullcrap. What kind of marriage is that? "We'll stay married but forget about ever having sex with me, and I don't think I even want to kiss you. Oh but by the way, I totally fantasize about sex with other men." Instead of trying to break this down 10 different ways, I want you to visualize two signs in your head. "DEAL" or "NO DEAL". Now tell me, what should your response be to the above scenario. Don't tell me about your past sexual disfunction, or how bad you -think- she wants to work on things or whatever. DEAL or NO DEAL. I hope to hell you say NO DEAL. That's it, it really is as simple as that. NO DEAL. What does that mean? Get out. Get a life. DB. Leave her alone to sort out what she wants while you go out and be awesome.
Personally I think you should sit down with her, tell her that you've thought about her comments that sex is never going to happen, that you're starting to realize that you've done all the work on recon while she's been a less than willing participant and you're done with it all. No deal. You're going to discontinue the MC and think about where YOU want to go from here and you suggest she do the same. Then DB your heart out.
