Hermes, you've been getting some awesome advice so do read and re-read it to keep on track. The only thing I would like to add is slooooooow down! You seem very concerned that every little thing you do may make or break your recon chances and you keep coming back here to describe every little interaction to see if you "did the right thing". The reason we call this a marathon is because it takes a long, long time to resolve. BD may have seemed sudden to you but to your W it was the culmination of months or years of what she felt was neglect in the M. She thought about it a long time before BD'ing. Now that she has BD'd, she feels like she shouldn't and can't go back. Right now no matter what you do she is done with you. She doesn't like you, she may even hate you. Why? Because it's her way of justifying BD and D. The key to getting her back is changing yourself and letting her see those changes over a long period of time. No one thing you do is going to make or break your recon chances, rather it's the aggregate of what you do over the coming months or maybe even years (yes it can take that long). So change for YOU, not for her. And be very patient.
Also please read Sandi's rules at least once a day.
A lot of people misinterpret DB'ing and especially detachment as them needing to be cold, indifferent and uncaring towards their WAS. That is not detachment, not at all. Most WAS's felt the LBS was like that for a long time anyway, so in fact that would be "more of the same" behavior. DB'ing is something of an art form- it's standing firm, being strong and establishing boundaries but doing it in a loving, respectful manner. I think that's where Sandi's rules really shine, it helps to understand how you go about doing that.
