still struggling

[Jim1234]

I can understand trying to get through the holidays for the sake of the kids, but why are you pretending in front of other adults? Don't respond with what your W says she wants. I am asking you why you are going along with all the festivities, pretending to be a family? You said it made you feel uncomfortable, so apparently, you were appeasing someone else.

If that is what you want to do, then okay. However, if you are doing it b/c your W uses the guilt card, or the bossy card.......then don't act as if you have no voice in the matter. DBing is not rolling over and playing dead.

Some WW's begin acting nice/friendly just as a manipulation tool. So, be careful and don't agree to something....thinking she is warming up towards you. It becomes so tiring to see H's act as if they must do everything the W says. Don't forget who is the head leader in the family.

I have an adult child that was given the bomb drop immediately following Christmas. After all the expensive gifts are opened, and the credit cards are maxed (again) and then your spouse announces they are through with the M, it leaves you feeling rather "used"..... if you know what I mean. Of course, they say they want the kids to have one more good Christmas.......but really, it's b/c they know Santa will be more generous if everyone is under the same roof during the holiday.

I am sorry for all the people facing these sad circumstances during a time of year that we are taught is suppose be joyous. ((hugs))

I'm really struggling to write this reply, because your post has really got me thinking whether I did it for the kids, or appeased her.

The point of the dinner was for our kids so see their godparents and exchange gifts, so I think I was doing it for the kids. The godparents are well aware of what's going on, so it wasn't like we were pretending for them, but to make a nice memory for the kids.

BUT, I was set to do it alone this year, she found out, made a fuss, and I caved, telling myself it was "for the kids", and not wanting to put our friends in the middle of it. I thought about not going, but decided I wanted to. But I wonder whether I let W use the bossy card and am rationalizing.

Thank you for the food for thought.