Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 11, filing for D

[PsySara]

No worries Vanilla, I keep tabs just to check now and again. While snooping is unhealthy for the LBS when they already know what's going on I think it's different if you are moving towards piecing and you want to protect yourself from being taken advantage of. Regardless, WH has given me unfettered access to his emails, cell phone, bank account, etc.,

NicoleR,
At this point I am enjoying having a partner help me with all the day-to-day care. Will it last? Time will tell.

So again things are humming along. I continue to work on myself and manage my reactivity, this includes my behavior towards WH, the kids and even my colleagues. WH seems to be poking his head out of this...MLC? I dunno. For instance, WH has purchased 5 bikes in the last 2 years (he's gotten more than that but used them as trade ins) and seemed to be spending money hand over fist. A few nights ago I caught him staring into the garage at them and I teasingly asked, "Checking out the girls?" He looked pained and admitted he feels embarrassed looking at this excess. He finds his behavior in the last two years baffling now. And this extends to his money wasting, the affair, the overall unraveling. I told him to sit on any decisions about what to do with the bikes for at least a month. I don't want him swinging into the other direction and becoming an aestetic, lol. He's in pain right now but there is nothing I can do to ameliorate it, it's his journey.

I continue to try and keep the road paved back home and WH has started spontaneously saying ILY, telling me I am a good person and talking about me at work to his colleagues telling them how lucky he is. I in turn tell him what an amazing father he is, I touch him a lot, kiss his bald spot a lot, tell him how much he means to me. I am hesitant to call us piecing because it's so early in the game but there is a peace now between us. I can honestly say if he dropped the ILYBIANILWY right now I would be hurt but completely at peace with us separating. Why? Because I turned every single stone to save our marriage. IF WH decides to walk away I can lift my head high and know I did my part to give my children a whole home.

We are both working on showing each other how treasured we feel toward each other. I remind myself that I always kept myself well groomed, soft spoken and laughed a lot when we first met. Even though we're married I try to look amazing around him because it's so easy to slide into complacency. I was thinking about this the other day. I never lash out at work, or dress like crap, or just dump all my problems on a colleague. Why was I doing that to WH in the past? Probably because I took him for granted and just assumed he would always settle for whatever I had leftover at the end of the day. That was my mistake, complacency. I also let my resentment build up and instead of approaching him in a loving manner to help out more with the kids and household stuff I would berate him and hen peck him. Looking back I am surprised he didn't tell me to go pound sand much earlier. I had become his mother and not his wife.

So we have a loooong way to go and the future is uncertain, hopeful but uncertain. I will keep updating but I may move myself to piecing if these changes continue to stick.