What to Do? 5

[chris19]

Well that was interesting to say the least.

I got there and she started by small talking...asking me questions about my fam and how everyone was. I answered, but kept it short. Then some of the first words out of her moth was, "I didn't print off the papers, I was really busy at work"...

Again; it is so hard to paraphrase a conversation; but she expressed how she kept reaching out to me and I just never responded, or was short with her. So she is "trying" but I am not. I then explained how I am going through my process and part of that process was to ensure my safety, and her texts to me (when I would not respond) were all blame shifting, validation, and guilt tripping.

She explained how she didn't do more because she was still so hurt by my actions (b4 the BD). And I validated that; telling her of course, those emotions are valid, there was evidence that I was not a complete person. Then she asked why I came; and I said, I am not sure, I guess I wanted to express my boundaries in case they were not clear. I told her, part of my recovery was to get total transparency and no not be competing with OM.

Then she said, I told you when I was done talking to OM back in september. So I asked, "so ,you havint talked to him since"...pause..."I talked to him on my birthday". Now, I know shes lying to me. Then I asked, "how can I believe you, show me your phone records". She was like, "No, I am not going to do that".

I then got a bit to deep; and explained, "I am not going to be with somebody who didn't choose me; who would want to be with someone who doesn't choose them. I have such clarity now, and I see that I was total dependent on you for me feelings. That is not a healthy mentality for any relationship. And again, I will never tell you what to do, I am simply telling you want I need in order to think about reconciliation."

She began to tear up; and said "did you ever think that I am so hurt by your action, before all this". kind of went in circles... Again, I validated those...same as above. Then I said, ok if your serious show me your phone records, she said, I am not going to do that. That is when I got angry (i know...dumb); stood up and said, "its because you are still talking to him", grabbed me coat and said " i knew coming here was a mistake". Left

Called me twice on the way home. and texted"
- giving an ultimatum like that in a middle of a convo is extremely immature; i understand I have to rebuild trust and would be willing to do that but I will not deal with you giving me ultimatums and treating me like sh!t if I don't want to oblige to them.

I texted back "I never gave you an untilm. I simply told you what I needed in orddr to think about reconcilation. from the first day I told you I would never tell you what to do or what to think. you have the ability to choose anything you like. This is just a part of my recovery, you do not have to do anything as i explaned.

She sent:
"i told you I would be willing show you my records and then you left in the middle of the convo."
"So are you dont talking again?"
"alright chirs I really cant do this anymore"
"i wanted to see you tonight to just hang out for once, and talk, and try to be close and see if there was till something there. I didnt want to get too much into anything bc i wanted to just have a night to try to be normal. We are both recovering and im so updet you just left like that bc i didnt show you my phone on demand. i dont know if there is anything repairable. you havnt been able to stay calm around me and you seem to always leave in anger an din a rush without just allowing the convo to evelop and happen."
"Were both hurt and angry and trying to recover and its going to take pateince , respect, and understanding to move forward. i dont feel that from u for me. I dont feel that you love me anymore. and if that is the case then thats ok thats your choice but then please just say you want to end this."
"Are you willing to come back and finish our convo?"