I am a WAW, I essentially walked (no ran) at the end, there was nothing wayward in me at all. I have never been tempted and actually have never felt as you describe.
I think to me this demonstrates the difference as a WAW I decided there was no way I was going back to an abusive R. I was out at the spell break point. Until that point if the Giggalo had got his act together I would have worked and stood with all my ability to turn it around.
I admire those who struggle with the waywardness and get a grip on it. Those with low impulse control who get it together, those with 'issues' who sort it.
Only reality biting seems to resolve it or getting real.
Don't get me wrong I am no saint, I am a workaholic who can be very neglectful of their R. And for a brief while a screaming banshee. A truly horrible reactive abusive person not that makes a difference to the abuse of the Giggalo. He liked abusing and future faking. And screaming banshee gave him great satisfaction.
Changing down isn't about resources or addictions but about spirit, values and beliefs. What type of person will cheat with a cheater? What values do they have?
For me, no thank you. Cheating is a big deal breaker. I can't rationalise or minimise it. I will not have it in my R or my life. Knickers don't accidentally fall off and oops how did that sexual encounter occur? And oral isn't sex right? Cheating is in the mind or body or both. Morally dubious behaviour. So who hasn't been tempted? Hmmmmmm, Liam where are you?
And adultery is sleeping with someone other than your spouse before you are D. Learn that definition Giggalo! Deciding you might want to be D isn't the same as being D.
Happy family is a personna, a fake one and an illusion designed for cake eating on a grand scale.
So what makes a WAW not a Cheater but a WW wayward? It's not thoughts but actions. Even in an EA there is longing and physical reaction.
There is NO excuse for cheating in either body or in preparation of the mind for cheating. An EA is the preparation of the mind for cheating intending on a physical fact.
Cheating is rotten behaviour or preparation for rotten behaviour and I have no truck with it at all. But then I haven't really ever been tempted and I guess I never will.
It is OK to escape a rotten M, not stay in an abusive M (and I include being cheated on) and also to stand, DB and work in any way to get a mistracked R back on track. It is not OK to cheat, lie and misrepresent yourself.
For this reason I think DBers need INTEL to determine if they are dealing with a wayward or a walkaway. What has to be done, the focus is different.
At the end of it, it is working on numero uno that gets you to either release or rebuild. A wayward can always find someone to be wayward with but what type is that? If the wayward lies to the POP then when uncovered the POP will dump the wayward.
So it's excellent you gave yourself the spell break shift. Gives you an unique insight into the wayward which is valuable. But a wayward isn't a walkaway.
It is my view that walkaway marriages are more likely to heal than wayward ones.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
