michlynn, If you are living with a passive/aggressive you are going to have to do a lot of reassuring. Their biggest fear is abandonement! My ex was VERY passive/aggressive. My son said something to me recently that covered all the bases. He said his father never learned to "fight fare."
The passive/aggressive does not know how to process the discomfort of others. It becomes all about them and their fear and pain. It sounds selfish but is based in that deep fear of rejection. They work over time at doing the right thing and when someone gets angry they look at it as abuse...it's like they are being told they are not good enough because being loved means being good at all times.
They have this romanticized, rose colored glasses view of life and relationships. It sounds as if your ex learned one of two things....he either withdraws or goes into a rage. Coming from alcoholics that is understandable.
People can learn by example. He doesn't sound like a stupid man and a little patience on your part and the willingness to show him how to "fight fare" can make a huge difference. Passive/aggressives are so easy to love. They can be so endearing but they can turn on you in an instant. It's not easy being in a relationship with someone that is so, so overly sensitive. Definitely no sense of self. Cathy
