One day she came home from work and told me she wanted a divorce. That she doesn't feel the same way anymore. That she loves me but is not in love with me, etc. We had a short argument. Anyhow. I totally screwed up Sandi's rules because I didn't know about them at the time.
That's OK, we all do early on!
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For about a week I've been working on GAL and have started taking night classes, wearing better clothes and cologne. Dropped a noticeable amount of weight. Working out more. Never calling her first. Doing some simple chores I know always annoyed her, yet leaving enough chores for her to do so I'm not Suzy home maker.
That all sounds fine. How long ago did she drop the bomb on you? Please understand this is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes a LONG time for a WAS to turn around. It's very unusual for it to happen in less than a year but not unusual for it to take several years. So take a deep breath and settle in. Sounds like you're doing good 180's, but you have to do them CONSISTENTLY for a long period of time for her to believe them.
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She has made comments like "Why are you making all these changes now that it's too late?" To which I just ignore her.
Just tell her "well I didn't realize the mistakes I was making, but now that I am aware of them I am working hard to fix them. I'm not doing it to get you back, I know that's not likely. I'm doing it because I want to be a better person." The thing is she thinks it's all tricks to get her back, and that if she goes back to you that you will go back to the same old stuff as before. So she doesn't trust your changes yet.
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She told me she doesn't feel safe so I told her that she needs to get her son and leave then, for her safety. I then left the house. She called and apologized for how she acted.
Don't leave the bed, bedroom or house. SHE is the one that wants out, SHE has to go if that's what she chooses.
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Does it sound like I have hope? Or should I cut losses and quit?
There's always reason to hope. Hope is a powerful force, use it.
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But she keeps wanting to get me to agree to her divorce terms. I have already told her I don't want a divorce and she will have to really think about how much she wants this. She wants to be "fair" but that just really means she wants money from selling all of our property to start over in her "new and improved" life.
Can anyone give me tips on how to converse with her regarding the divorce? I don't want to commit to anything, especially now. This is the main topic of discussion she brings up. She wants money from selling our things.
Tell her that you don't want D but if that's what she wants then you will not stand in her way. But if she has filed, then DO hire an attorney and review the papers with him/ her. If she filed then you are supposed to be served papers by the court, I'm not sure the window for your state but usually it happens pretty quickly, like within a week. Don't make her any promises about division of assets, just tell her you need to review the papers and will discuss it with her afterwards. It's up to you whether to tell her you have an L or not, some people like their spouse to know while others don't want them to know.
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Today I told her she won't get a fight from me if D is really what she wants.
Good! But...
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I also reiterated that I do not want a D and that it will never be too late to take it back.
Don't say stuff like that. You don't want to be "Plan B".
I am moving back into the MBR today.[/quote]
Great! If she moves out then fine, but you stay there.
