Do you remember me trying to get a straight answer about whether or not your W said she was fully on board with saving the MR? Remember me asking you if you were putting words in mouth, or hearing what you wanted......instead of what she was actually saying? You kind of danced around it, but finally said she did commit. Are you currently saying that it was all half-a$$ed on her part?
Look, I realize that even if she meant it 100% at the time, it doesn't mean she'll carry through and do what needs to be done to heal the MR. What I am talking about here is that you must be painfully honest, Jim, with yourself and with us.......if you want to receive the right advice. All you could think about was the OM/A. Then it was reaching the point of piecing. Then, you were focused on intimacy (although it's been forever since last time). I understand, and this is all common for LBH's. But when I asked questions, or if I had suspicions or suggested something negative about your W.........you would correct me. That's fine, and if I have it wrong, I want to know. However, I am having a bit of a frustrating moment (after reading your recent posts) wondering how much you were pushing and just how much she truly was on board.
As I have told you, the actions you take with a repentant and willing W who commits to doing the work........is not the same as when she is rebelling against the MR. I agree that you are not in piecing. Based on what you were reporting, I thought she was working to get through the withdrawal & mourning period. I feel this is necessary, in order to be able to really work on piecing.......otherwise, you are wasting your time. It appeared that you were inching your way along, until the BFF weekend. And now.......I learn she never put her wedding ring back on........which is a sign of rebellion, IMHO. And, there are some other things coming out now, that cause suspicion about her. You get a little wish-wash about the jewelry, but her own words and actions are what I am seeing that aren't good.
You really need to stop making excuses and rationalizations for her.......unless you want to live in ignorant bliss.
I asked you to see how she responded in the recent MC. Did the MC assign more homework? What was W's attitude during the session? How did she act on the way home? Did she seem distant, in deep thought, texting, cold, or encouraged and talkative?
I agree with the others about having a R talk. It does not advance the R, at this particular time. In fact, the things you report that she's currently saying, are nearly word for word conversations in the past. It's like watching a carousel. . You must have the patience of Job!
((hugs))
Last edited by Cadet; 12/07/1705:51 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
. You must have the patience of Job! 