WW ended EA 4 mos ago; trying to restore intimacy

[Coconut]

what I'm suggesting is a different mindset for you.. One where you are living your life for you, you are having fun, you are enjoying this moment of life that you will never get back.

Nothing else needs to change if you don't want it to, in fact, I wouldn't go changing everything at once.

Don't over analyze living your life, just change your focus from "doing everything possible to save your marriage" to "doing everything possible to enjoy your life".

Okay, but to me this falls in the category of "just jettisoning her" i mentioned above. In particular, what do i do about the MC. We are already scheduled for next week, and W agreed that after the holiday we should be going every other week at a minimum with "intensives" (2 to 4 one-hour sessions same day) once every 4-6 weeks, as we both (and MC as well) agreed we come out of those more energized and "felling better" about things. Would you recommend just cancelling those without explanation? (we only have two scheduled actually, right now, next week and early January) Continuing to go but being vague about my "fun personal life" (contrary to what MC is preaching to us about full and open honesty)?

What you're suggesting is textbook DB-ing and makes sense... but doesn't seem to account for where W and I are, ummm.... procedurally(?)

It's not jetising her, again, your not being mean or ignoring her, if she shows interest allow her to join, whatever, but do it to enjoy yourself. You are not going to be doing something every minute of every day, your not disappearing from the house, much of your life will remain fairly similar, except you will be focusing on improving/enjoying yourself rather than saving your M.

As for Marriage counseling (or anything else that comes up), just go with the flow. How about this, if she approaches you about going, say sure; let her make the appointment (don't tell her to, but if she does), and then you go. Just don't initiate it, let her do the work.