Yeh, when the kids are with me we truly do a lot of stuff and spend a lot of quality time together. We have tons of activities we do and I know that I am not slacking as a parent.
The ups and downs are not so cutting and raw any more, more like a deep ache that will go away. I think that I am just at a point where I don't care whether or not the MR will be saved. The major driver for this is that I know that my W and the person she is now, is not the person I married. If she would ever make a move towards recon, I would have to get to know her all over again, which I am not sure I have the capacity to do.
I have let her go and she will have to reckon with what she has done. I'd rather at this point just get to my own personal goals and then poke my head out to see what's there.
Divorce is no longer something I am afraid of or see as a failure on my part. I just want to be happy and have someone who loves me for who I am. I have taken my failures in the MR into account and know what I have to do to improve myself as a person. But, I also know the game I bring and I know it's top notch - as a partner and as a parent.
So, no interest being with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I know my worth and I know what I'd want in a R. I will go find that woman when the time comes and I am ready to take the plunge.
