WW ended EA 4 mos ago; trying to restore intimacy

[joejoe1]

W, i know you have been trying, and doing alot of things that you know I want you to do WRT working on our MR, but... I can tell your heart is just not in it... you've told me your heart is not really in it.

This statement is contradictory. You are telling her you know she is in the relationship at the same telling her you know she wasn't. You know she wasn't so just say, "W, we talked about working on the M, and I'm giving my all to ensure we work, but I can tell you are not. It seems to me that you are not fully committed to making our M work". That's the truth, from what you have wrote to us, she isn't fully committed so be honest with her about your feelings. Don't try to not hurt hers, just be honest. Make your feelings a priority.

I also think you can pull back. If you truly think she is still involved with the OM, I'm not saying that she is or that you have hard evidence, but if you truly feel that way, then pull back some. Also, I think you need to start engaging your W on your feelings and what you suspect. If you feel a way about something make it known. If the bracelet is bothering you, I would tell her, tell her what you think about it, then tell her you think she should get rid of it. That bracelet shouldn't hold more value than your feelings and the M. I think your a placing your feelings and priorities on the backseat to not upset or push your W away. But IMO, if you'll working on the M, she should respect your feelings and your opinions. She is the one that cheated and she should be doing more work to prove to you that she isn't cheating anymore and she wants to be with you.

You have to hold her accountable for her actions, she went to the mall, and if you truly feel you know why, then say, "I think you went to the mall because of this reason, instead of saying, why did you go to the mall". You deserve an explanation, you shouldn't have to interrogate her for an answer. She should want to be open and transparent, and she is not giving you that. (she know her going to the mall to bother you, so she should of called you before hand and said, she was going) When she gives you those blanket statements, tell her those types of answer makes you feel uncomfortable and not confident about her commitment to the M.

IMO also, I think you need to ask those def questions, why did she break it off with OM, was it because she wanted to be M? You also need to ask, how did she break it off, was it by text, phone call, email. Or did she just stop talking to him. If she sent and email or text, ask to see it. Ask her what did she tell him, to let him know she was calling quits with him, also ask if she told him she was working on the M. Those are two different things, her telling him she's stopping the R and her telling him she is working on the M. She should tell him both, leaving no openings about their future. You need def in all these answers and you should be able to drill down with her and she not get defensive. Or else you mind will make up it's own answers.

Why wait until after Christmas? You have 3 weeks before Christmas, why put yourself through that stress for 3 more weeks. You deserve to know.

I hope this isn't to blunt, just my opinions.