I've been holding onto hope that she might still come around before D is final...
No, it's not likely. But is it really that different if she 'comes around' a month after D? A year after D? a week before D?
My point is that the divorce is just a reporting of your relationship status to the government. Being divorced doesnt dictate how you feel about her or your family.
YOU do.
Originally Posted By: Hermes
but once it's final, I figured no reason to keep on hoping,
In her mind, the divorce is already final.
She is sleeping with another man. She is emotionally attached to another man. What thread of marriage are you desperately holding on to?
Hope is good. And im not saying to run out and divorce her.
Im telling you to step back and look at your situation with a beginner's mind. If youve already lost everything, what more is there to lose?
Originally Posted By: Hermes
just needed to move on with my life completely and as part of that stop communicating with her about anything non logistical with kids.
The saying here is that you need to move FORWARD with your life. Not move on to another relationship.
Yes, you need to cut back on your communications with W. But your focus needs to be on you and rebuilding your life how HERMES wants it to be.
Originally Posted By: Hermes
I guess the fact that I was trying to DB and act "As If..." the affair doesn't matter concentrating instead on her...
Youre right. The affair doesnt matter.
But you need to concentrate on YOU.
Not her.
Originally Posted By: Hermes
I have been taking her "warming up to me" behavior as positive signs based on my actions
Maybe.
Or she has a lot of happy feelings because her R with OM is going well. Or shes happy to be moving towards D.
Who knows.
Originally Posted By: Hermes
Other than LRT and keeping her in Basement to sleep along with continuing to GAL, work on self and focus on kids... anything else I'm missing?
Hermes - Have you read DR?
If so, what are your goals? Not just about marriage. But what do you want to accomplish? What are you doing to get there? It's probably the MOST important chapter in the book, but almost everyone I see runs straight to the chapter on 'what to do' --> LRT, etc.
Those things above are loose concepts that dont show any clear plan to me.
How can you get somewhere without a map? Thats the goal setting!
