Truth is I don't want to be with someone who's in Active A, doesn't want to be with me. I do deserve better than this... and I know there are women out there who would really appreciate a guy like me (decent looking, takes care of himself, dresses nice, working on himself, with high morals and integrity).
H,
This is the golden ticket. When you truly get to a place where you believe this it's a game changer. Now it's time to do the work to get you there. That's alpha behavior.
Working on it... I've printed this up and plan to read it each morning and evening...
Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
I really feel like after D I want nothing to do with her as long as OM is in picture. Brief exchanges with kids or logistical conversations (which is all she's interested in at any rate).
What is it about being DIVORCED that you think will automatically make you feel this way?
What is preventing you from acting this way now?
I've been holding onto hope that she might still come around before D is final... know it's not likely... but once it's final, I figured no reason to keep on hoping, just needed to move on with my life completely and as part of that stop communicating with her about anything non logistical with kids.
I also figured that in order to give myself the best shot at DB I needed to keep contact pleasant with her... I guess the fact that I was trying to DB and act "As If..." the affair doesn't matter concentrating instead on her...
Which as I say this, sounds pretty thin...
I have been taking her "warming up to me" behavior (really kind words, always thanking me, doing a few nice things) as positive signs based on my actions (making sure I always recognize her for anything positive she does as I'm convinced one of her primary love languages is Words of Affirmation) (especially as she told me the reason she worked so damn hard vs spending time with me is that she's actually really good at her job and continues to get a lot of praise for what she does)...
Know she's here through first part of Feb (before everything is in place to help her move) before kids start shuttling between us and only see each of us 50% of time.
Other than LRT and keeping her in Basement to sleep along with continuing to GAL, work on self and focus on kids... anything else I'm missing?
Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
Most women suddenly get VERY attracted to a man who walks away with his head held high knowing and realizing that he is a "great catch" and that he not only DESERVES a woman who is mad about him, but will GET one..
Your own lack of self confidence in what she really is giving up is what is holding back reconciliation. LET HER GO.. YOUR CHOICE.. YOU be the letting go leader..
MAKE her chase you... You have NEVER given her the chance to see how she really feels about you.. Give her that freedom and give her that chance. Hold the line. . Show her a man who chooses NOT to be with a woman who isn't attracted to him. They both deserve better.
H....just know that asking her to sleep downstairs is Alpha. Not caring what she doing or who she is talking to is also Alpha. Going NC and not bringing up your R or MR is also Alpha. Acting like you don't give a f&ck is also Alpha. Give yourself come credit you are starting to display some of the characteristics.
FWIW....I cried my eyes out for the first month and went days without eating. I found this paragraph on this site when I was really struggling and spent hours a day researching. I saved it so I can refer to it when I am struggling. Hopefully it will help.
The people on this site who try the hardest are the ones who have the least success. The harder they try the more they get rejected. Those who let go the fastest, heal the quickest and also are the ones who maximize their chances of getting the wayward back. It is only when you let go that you have your best chance.
Thank you for sharing this with me... I've put it in my goals area to refer to each day.
Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
Most women suddenly get VERY attracted to a man who walks away with his head held high knowing and realizing that he is a "great catch" and that he not only DESERVES a woman who is mad about him, but will GET one..
Your own lack of self confidence in what she really is giving up is what is holding back reconciliation. LET HER GO.. YOUR CHOICE.. YOU be the letting go leader..
MAKE her chase you... You have NEVER given her the chance to see how she really feels about you.. Give her that freedom and give her that chance. Hold the line. . Show her a man who chooses NOT to be with a woman who isn't attracted to him. They both deserve better.
I like this ALOT...
I was thinking of telling her if/when it comes up as to why I've changed (I told her I was done earlier today)
I've decided I deserve better. I deserve a woman who wants to be with me and not someone who wants another man. I'm smart, witty, reasonably good looking, kind, faithful, and working on myself to be the best me I can be. I know there are a number of women out there who are really looking for a guy like me.
I get that you don't like my changes or the fact that I like to cook, clean, take care of the woman I'm with and my children... that's on you.
I'm certain the next woman in my life will at some point be sending you a nice thank you card for setting me free for us to find each other.
Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
So... how exactly does this come across then with actions not words... I get it's a marathon not a sprint... and making her sleep downstairs is a good start.
Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
