Still here. Still not detached... (Part 3)

[Chris73]

Hi Everyone. I thought I would post this update during the calm before the storm that is December. Both my kids have birthdays this month. My daughter turned 6 yesterday and my son will turn 9 on the 23rd.

W and I are still nesting while she continues to look for a place to move to. Buying something is not an option for her right now, so she's going to have to rent for a year. I feel a lot of different ways about this. Primarily, I'm unhappy because it means that my kids will have to move twice. But that's all the more reason why my staying in the house is a good idea. Part of me is glad that she's having trouble. I want her to see just how difficult the reality of her decision is. On the other hand, part of me is happy that she's renting instead of buying. It gives her the opportunity to put the breaks on for a year and spend some time working through her problems. Not sure that she'll do that tho, I think she's still in "new life full speed ahead" mode. The hard part for me is watching all of this happen and knowing that there's nothing I can do to affect the outcome in any way.

I've had a lot of difficulty with anger over the last couple of months. It's frustrating because it really has nowhere to go. I'm angry at my W, but allowing that anger to affect my behavior towards her is a recipe for disaster. What I really need to get over is my secret desire for my kids to be unhappy when they're with her. This is a terrible thing. I shouldn't ever WISH unhappiness on my kids. They certainly don't understand the complexities of adult relationships and they love their mom very much. In time they will understand what happened to us and they'll have to make their own decisions about how they feel about it.

The two of us are getting along ok right now. This is the last xmas that the 4 of us will spend in the same home and we're working together to handle gifts and plans. The tree goes up this week and I invited her to join us on Sunday afternoon to decorate it and she accepted. She's going to do something with them on xmas eve, but we're both going to stay at the house so that we're both there in the morning when the kids wake up. Then the kids will spend xmas day, new years eve, and new years day with me. I'm sure she has a NYE party to go to, but I never enjoyed them. I'll be happier ringing in the new year with my kids.

Now for a GAL update:

-I just joined a new blues band. Practices start next week and our first gig is in January. I'm very excited to get out and play more, and since everyone else in the band is married, all the groupies are for me!

-Just bought a new car, nothing fancy just reliable, and my new car payment is less than it was!

-Decided over the weekend that I'm going to sign up for a half-marathon at the end of April. My longest run is 6 miles, so this will be a challenge. But I have 20 weeks to do it. I told my kids, so now there's no going back!

All things considered, I'm doing ok.