Separation imminent....

[Hermes]

H,
If she ask about coming to the bedroom, don't tell her what to do. You should something like. IMO you should something like:

"I have been enjoying all the space and freedom in the bedroom since ive been in there by myself. I would only want you to come back if we are working on the M."

See what I did there. I didn't say "since you been out the bedroom". I made that statement about you and not her.

Second, in that statement you are not telling her to come or not come, you are giving her and option. She can stay in the basement and continue what she is doing or start to work on the M and come back to the marital bedroom. (Don't try to explain none of this to your, just the statements above will do).

Its yours now. Make it your domain, and she has to earn her way back in. She left.

I like what you are saying... was hoping she'd still be in basement and was a bit disappointed to find her in our bed again last night waiting up for me to get home...

Think I made the right choice in asking her to go back downstairs.
Still on the fence with her taking all her possessions down there AND all toiletries (there is a shower down there but it's pretty crappy and feels a bit punitive).

Any thoughts as to whether its worth saying to her tonight. It's hard to sleep with you knowing you don't want anything to do with me. I would only feel comfortable with you coming back up to our bed if you were willing to work on MR.

Guessing at best it'd have 0 effect and worst cause her to start an argument about how I somehow manipulated her into waiting to leave until Jan 30th and then did this to her to try and get her to reconsider (PRESSURE). when this all happened rather organically.